The Annoying Sun

I had to share this poem that my 9 year old daughter wrote and brought home with her artwork from the year. I laugh so hard when I read this and I hope it brings a smile to your face too.

The Sun
written by Chantelle Nicoll age 9

The sun is shining like a big ball on the beach.
It is burning on my back.
Each day goes by = day by day.
I can see the round ball in my eye each day
And it gets so, so annoying.

Fireworks at Blue Chip Stadium

It sounded like in Belfast in the early 90's last night. People were celebrating Guy Fawkes all around the city by lighting fireworks in their driveways. The news was filled with tales of houses burning to the ground all morning.

What fun it is to live in a country that celebrates a man who tried to set Parliament on fire in 1605! Hooorah! Each year there are fires, injuries and even deaths.... yet the tradition carries on. Heck, it's TRADITION! Now that Guy Fawkes is over, the fireworks have gone on sale... which means we have another week of nightly festivities. My cat will never come home.

Don't even get me started! This country confuses me.

But I do enjoy some good fireworks... but I'd rather leave it to the professionals. Last weekend Brian and I took the girls to the speedway at the Blue Chip Stadium. We walked from our house (last year it took us nearly two hours to get OUT of the parking lot) which took us about 20 minutes and we enjoyed the thrill of the races the moment we entered the gates.

I LOVE car racing! My mother used to race Austin Minis before I was born and that's where she met my father... so I think it's in my blood. I love the sound and the energy. I love the noise and the speed. It gets me really excited and it brightens my worst day. This particular speedway is great because the cars race around a clay track and they slide around the corners with clay flying everywhere! It's awesome. There are different types of race cars and they even have a couple of races for kids between the ages of 12-16 (they drive those cute little cars in the photo). It's fun for the whole family.

They have races every weekend at the stadium but on Guy Fawkes Day the stadium is always packed because people come to see the fireworks at the end of the races. It's a fun thing to do with the family for $45.

Chantelle LOVES the races too. I enjoy watching her. She is absolutely entranced by it - and she gets right into it when her car is winning. If we could afford it, I think she would really enjoy getting into it when she's a little older. We just need to find a her a sponsor. Heck, I'd enjoy it too! Two sponsors - anyone??

Did you know that Tiger Wood's caddy - Steve Williams - is an Amateur racer? Did you realize he's a Kiwi? He's back here for the winter (our summer) doing the racing circuit and he won a couple of races the night we were there. He recently got married and Tiger was in New Zealand for the wedding... there were Tiger sightings all over the place. Kiwis don't get excited about celebrities as much as we do in North America. It's funny... the celebrities in this country are the news presenters!

Anyway, here's a video of one of the races (for those of you reading this on facebook, I've posted it in my videos). I tried to capture Chantelle's reaction but she toned it down because she knew I was filming... a door came off one of the cars and was lying on the track which Brian was pointing out to her but she thought it came off "her" car...

Trick or Treating BAD - Blowing things up GOOD

It's that time of year again... I journaled about it last year and this year's entry will be much of the same. Halloween has passed by with only a slight notice. It used to be one of my most favourite times of the year when I lived in Canada.

It is so much fun getting dressed up in costumes and going out in character. You can be your alter ego for one day and everyone lets loose and has a good time. If you prefer to stay home, you hand out candy to the neighbourhood kids - and you'll probably dress up in a scary costume and decorate your porch or carport with skeletons and cobwebs and tombstones. You might even have some scary music playing to entice the children. Oh what FUN!! The streets are littered with kids dressed up as Pirates, Princesses and Rock Stars. The Jack O'Lanterns are aglow everywhere you look. There is no mistaking Halloween in North America.

But it's completely different here. First of all, it's not quite the same getting in the spirit of all this spookiness when the sun is shining, the days are long and it's warm outside. Halloween in Spring... no Jack O'Lanterns... pumpkin season is in April here. So many people don't "believe" in celebrating this fun occasion. I've heard some kids telling Natalya and Chantelle that it's not Christian... but I went to Catholic School... and we dressed up and had costume competitions at school!

Kiwis just don't understand why we celebrate this silly holiday. They don't seem to understand that sometimes it's just a fun thing to do. Any excuse to have fun and celebrate - that's us. But Kiwis think the entire concept is rude - who sends their children around to beg their neighbours for lollies? Strange children banging on your door is frightening to some, but what about the fact that it brings neighbours together?? It is certainly a great way to meet the families in your neighbourhood and see the children growing up each year.

When the girls came home from school we all got into our costumes. Natalya was a "white witch" and Chantelle just chose a few random things out of our costume box and threw together her costume. She called herself a "spice girl". I dressed up as a Bull Rider - my mom sent the costume for Brian but he was working so it would have been a shame not to use it this year. I was a bit too short so my bull was kinda droopy. The costume had a battery operated fan which kept the bull inflated.

We headed over to the church where they have their annual "Saints and Angels" party. There were games with chances to win lollies (candy), also a free bake table and rickshaw rides. It's a great thing for our community and it attracts kids from all over. Most of them don't dress up - and the ones that do don't put nearly as much effort into their costumes as they would back home... but it's too hot for face make-up anyway. And I was the only adult who dressed up! Thank goodness I'm not self conscious!! Natalya came over to me and gave me a great big hug and told me she was so lucky that I was the only Mum who wore a costume. She was proud of me.

The girls really wanted to go trick or treating afterward and we finally got a chance to meet the neighbours we've been meaning to introduce ourselves to for the past 8 months (you see why Halloween is so good?)... and then more neighbours came over we haven't met yet. It turns out there are 5 of us in a row who are in our 30's and have two kids. We made plans to have a BBQ get together soon.

We carried on down the street with another family (their two girls are 5 & 7)... but I felt very strange. You had NO idea which houses to let your kids knock on. It was sunny outside so there were no lights on and no jack o'lanterns to let you know they were believers in Halloween... most people didn't answer their doors... a few people came outside and told the children that they didn't have anything... a few gestured for them to go away...

It was awful. I actually felt uncomfortable. I felt so badly for the kids... they just wanted to have fun.

So we went home defeated so I took the girls over to see Mrs. P. I knew she wanted to see them and she always has candy. Boy was I was right - she was SO delighted to see us all dressed up in our costumes. She especially loved my costume!!! She was so impressed with it and wanted me to let my mom know just how clever it was.

We stopped at a few houses in our old neighbourhood - there are a few older couples that really looked forward to seeing the girls because there weren't many kids in that area. One guy was so excited to see the girls coming, he ran inside to find some candy but came out with his entire fruit bowl instead! The girls were so excited to get so much yummy fruit! The girls thought it was WAY better than lollies.

Overall the girls got a teeny fragment of the amount of candy they would have gotten if they were trick or treating in Canada - but they thought they won the lottery and were so grateful. I was proud of them. They are not spoiled kids and they truly appreciate what they get.

The next morning when I got to work, Mrs. P was still buzzing over our Halloween costumes. She had just gotten off the phone with her sister telling her all about it. Then Mrs. P said something to me that has really stuck in my head...

She said, "I've been thinking about it all night and I think I've figured out what the problem with New Zealand is. The people here don't know how to have fun. They are too stuffy."

You said it Mrs. P!

They don't celebrate Halloween but on November 5th they celebrate a thing called Guy Fawkes. This guy named "Guy Fawkes" plotted to blow up Parliament in 1605. Click to read more about it. So tonight there are fireworks going off all over the place and my cat has disappeared from fright.

Fireworks are okay but children dressed up asking for candy is not. You tell me, where's the sense in that?

Open for Business

The clinic has finally come together - thanks to Brian. He has been busy helping with the final touches and things are really looking fantastic. He took the car in today to have advertising stickers put on the back window. It's official. I'm in business.

I ordered my brochures and business cards which should arrive next week. That's when I'll go around introducing myself to the local doctors and physio offices. I've discovered that there are not a lot of Massage Therapists that do what I do. I have a very specific target market - the medical side of massage.

New Zealand is still a little behind the times and there is a misconception that massage therapy is sexual. I have to be very careful when screening new clients to make sure that they understand that this is not one of "those" massages. I'm not naive but I have certainly been very fortunate not to have to deal with such matters for 12 years. I'm afraid I'm not in Kansas anymore Toto.

But it's a new challenge and a chance to change the face of Massage Therapy in my community. I think it's going to be great. It's all about education. The people who assume it is a sexual nature are merely ignorant - they need to be educated.

I've pretty much finished with the big items now. Here are some photos of the clinic. We did it all on a budget. Everything in here was purchased second hand, made by Brian or we already had. The most expensive thing was the desk in the office which I found on Trade Me (online auction). I bought it for $220 and the chair for $140. The lady we bought the chair from offered us $1000 for the desk on the spot. She's an antique dealer - and reckons it's worth at least double that. So we got a mighty good deal. Brian discovered a hunk of wood in our backyard which was being used as part of our wood shed - it's a big slab of Kauri - so he took it in and had it planed down and now it's the shelf over my desk! It only cost $10 for the planing!

I love this space. It certainly makes going to work the most pleasant experience I could wish for. I'm so lucky to have all of this in my own backyard. Our next project will be to install a bathroom and shower.

*note: the curtains are closed when I'm actually doing a treatment.

Dining out in our own home

The girls decided to kick us out of the house for an hour so that they could cook us a romantic dinner. It was a good opportunity to give Brian his weekly massage (he's earned these massages just by building my clinic so I can't argue with that!) out in the clinic. I really love that space. It's all mine. My haven.

At 7:45pm the girls had our dinner ready, the table was set, the lights were off, the candles were lit, the wine and coke (for Brian) was poured and we were presented with the first course. Almonds and carrot sticks with sour cream.

Brian and I enjoyed being served... even if our waitresses bickered an awful lot! We savoured our entree... eating something we didn't have to prepare.

By the time we finished and were ready for our main meal, it was cold. The girls had put it on the plates before they called us for the entree. It was obviously the vegetarian meal - alfredo pasta noodles with salad. Cold but yummy. Why does food ALWAYS taste better when someone else makes it?

While we ate dinner, the girls turned on the radio... and turned it up quite loud (I think this was so that they could dance to it). We dined in candlelight to groovy dancing music. I wanted to do the running man. Brian and I couldn't help but giggle.

So the girls were dancing in the living room while we enjoyed our cold pasta and salad (which they forgot to wash so I was picking dirt out of my teeth).

Next came dessert... we each got half a can of apricots, a Tim Tam and three wafer biscuits. That's when it was announced that they were hungry. They hadn't eaten dinner yet themselves! Brian and I looked at each other and laughed... THAT wasn't OUR problem! We quite liked the idea that they can now cook their own dinner!

It was such a fun night. The girls really enjoyed cooking dinner for us. We'll let them do this more often. I've drunk the entire bottle of wine now (since Brian doesn't drink and I couldn't let it go flat - it's bubbly)... so I'm a little tiddly.

Here's the menu they wrote out for us:

Ontry:

1. Sarot Sticks
2. Almands

Meal:

Salda, Mashroom, Lettice, Carrot, Tomoros
Wine, Coke
Pasta

Saper: (they call the meal after dinner supper for you Canadians)

Tim Tams
Aprocot
Redodono (which is the supposed name of the company who make the wafers)


The menu got some pretty big laughs around here tonight.

I love that the girls are growing up. They are at the absolute perfect age. Natalya has grown out of her rebellious age. Things are so peaceful around here now. Channy is entering the stage now... but her thing is lying. Stay tuned... should be an interesting year.

Belonging

Shame shame shame on me! It's been far too long between posts. I don't even know where to begin because I've left it so long and SO much has happened! I don't think I'll bother trying to re-tell it all because the moment has passed... instead I'll just write about my current thoughts and I'm sure things I've done will resurface on their own.

I am now back in New Zealand after being in Canada for nearly two months. I had the most amazing time... but it is also nice to be settling back to my "chosen life". I have this new feeling of peace and calm which is something that was missing before I left on this trip. I lead a double life - there's the Tracy Pepper everyone knows in Canada... this fun loving, crazy girl, a free spirit. Then there's the Tracy Pepper in New Zealand... a centered mother and partner, responsible and always looking after everyone else. They are two very different people. I have the best of both worlds and for the first time I was able to embrace and enjoy both sides of myself. I think it's healthy to have a balanced life and it's very difficult to have two sides in one world. It's hard enough having two sides in TWO worlds... but I've managed to find the right balance so that I don't tip the scales too far either way.

My life in Canada was always shallow. I think I've mentioned that before. It was a good life, but I was too self focused and I was obsessed with my problems (which were minor but I was so focused on them that I made them major). I had a great career and wonderful friends but I was too busy to enjoy what life is supposed to be about. I had no balance.

I came to New Zealand to find balance and it was here that I found my "chosen family". Brian and the girls bring me back down to reality. They give me something to focus on other than myself. They give me roots (something I've never had) and are teaching me how love works. I am a strict parent - which surprises me - and as a result I am raising some pretty amazing children who are respectful, responsible, secure and happy. I'm not sure where I've learned these parenting skills but I'm good at it. This is the most important thing I've ever done in my life. Admittedly, I miss the "fun Tracy"... but she's still around (as I discovered when I went BACK to Canada).

Kiwi Tracy + Canadian Tracy = One Balanced Chick

So here's the ultimate plan.... one day I will travel between both countries regularly. I chose to live a simple life so that I can just pick up and go when I need to find the right balance. I've finally gotten my New Zealand Residency which means in 5 more years I will be a Citizen here. Once that happens, I can live here, Canada or Australia. Until then, I can leave New Zealand for up to 6 months a year. Ideally we'd love to find Brian a job in Canada (we have a few leads and people are telling us about the skilled labour shortage so there really shouldn't be a problem) so that the four of us can go over there for the summer months. I've had a few friends interested in "swapping houses" with us. If anyone is reading this and would like to come to New Zealand during our winter months... we're an hour from some great skiing and it never snows where we live so winter's are really mild... let me know.

Basically my trip home got my wheels spinning and helped me sort out my life and made my vision a lot clearer. I now have direction - and BALANCE. What an amazing feeling. Don't ever take your balance for granted because let me assure you - a life without balance is not easy to navigate.

Thank you to all of you who have helped me find that balance. It was an emotional time (I'm an emotional girl) but because of you - the most amazing friends a person could ever wish for - my anxiety is gone. I belong... to all of you. But most of all, I belong to these two little girls...

Swimming lessons

I'm not exactly sure where to start. My trip home has been incredibly busy - which I expected it would be. It's no wonder why I told Brian I didn't want to go only days before I departed. Life over here is fast. It is full of "stuff" and it's so easy for a person to get sensory overload from all of it. I feel like a kid in a candy store. I am surrounded by temptations - STUFF for bargain prices.

I'm beginning to remember why I chose to live in New Zealand (besides Brian and the girls being there). It so easy to get caught up in the current of life in Canada. Some people can resist the current and live life simply here but unfortunately I can easily get sucked up in the current whether I like it or not. The current in New Zealand just isn't as strong... it's more like a lazy river.

I think I would like to try living in Canada again one day - but not for at least another 3-4 years. I need more time to strengthen my swimming so that the current doesn't pull me in again. I would surely drown.

The current is consumerism for those of you who haven't already guessed.

I spent the past weekend with my dad, step-mom and little brother Jamie. It was so nice spending time with them and having a place to rest a little and have a bath! We drove out to Guelph to my Auntie Lise's farm on Saturday. The family was having a little "get together" for my Uncle Julien and his oldest son Alex. I haven't seen Alex for close to 12 years! He's 18 now and a fine kid indeed. The two of them drove across Canada all the way from Nelson BC to Cape Breton and back! My family is great - we always have such a good time together. I'm the oldest cousin on my dad's side of the family and it's nice that my cousins are all now growing up and in their late teen's and early 20's. For the first time, I wasn't entertaining a bunch of kids (or trying to get away from them). I finally bonded with my little cousins (who all looked up to me when they were little). I'm so glad I got the chance to be here for this reunion. My family is so important to me - even if I don't get to see them often. I strengthened the bond with my dad on this trip. We had a few really good talks, more than ever before. Our relationship is maturing like wine.

I've also managed to get in some time with my mom. We too had some really good chats - about her health and the future. She is 61 now and not in the best health. She pointed out to me that she realizes that she may only have another 10 years left (both of her parents died fairly young and my mom doesn't live the healthiest lifestyle). It was a pretty sobering thought. Only 10 years... most of which I'll live in New Zealand. What if something happens? So we talked about the possibility of coming back to Canada if she needed someone to look after her. We even thought about the possibility of bringing her to New Zealand - but would they let her into the country with her health conditions? None of my siblings want to take on the burden of caring for our mother so I'm happy to do it, if I can.

Plus I have had the opportunity to reconnect with so many friends. I have A LOT of friends. The MOST amazing friends. I've moved a lot and as a result I have created this world of support. Unfortunately, I have more friends than I have days and time spent here on this trip! I wish I could see everyone - and that's part of the stress that I'm feeling, because I know I can't. I'm supposed to be here for Cindll - helping with her wedding - but I've hardly done anything! I feel terribly guilty about that and I hope she's not disappointed in me. I just have so much to do in a short time.

Right now I am in Stratford working - trying to do massages on some of my old clients. I'm even struggling to fit that in! I was so lucky to have made such strong friendships while I lived in Stratford so the people who want to get massages are also wanting me to stay over, have dinner, go to their kids' soccer games, take me to the beach, etc. The days are filling up quickly. I spent all day yesterday with my dear dear friend Monica and her 2 year old daughter Maia. Tim joined us later when he finished work. It's been surreal being here with them as they have been such strong influences in my life. I love them so much and wish I had more time with them - but I'm glad I got to spend an entire day. It's been two years since our last short visit and it's like time hasn't passed.

I also had a special visit with my good friend Mary Lou. Together we had a "lightbulb" moment. Throughout my life I can recall feelings but not places or specific memories. THAT is why I am not ready to return to Canada and the reason I left in the first place. Being here floods me with so many feelings and emotions - not all of them are good. I feel so much anxiety and feelings of inadequacy here and I never completely understood why. I just don't have those feelings in New Zealand. Over there, I feel loved and blessed and needed. Here I just felt stressed and the need to be perfect.

Maybe one day I will be a stronger swimmer and it won't matter, but for now I'm taking swimming lessons in New Zealand.

Back to the Future

I have come back to Canada for a visit. My best friend is getting married this summer and I am one of her bridesmaids. I haven't been home for 2 years so it was a good time to return to my roots. Cindll is getting married in my hometown, Hanmer Ontario. I grew up here and lived here until I was 17. I swore I would never come back... but now that I'm here, I love it! All of my friends have moved back and have started families. The Valley (as it is known) has changed... it has grown and it looks fantastic.

One of my old friends, Lynn has two nieces that she says sound JUST like Natalya and Chantelle. They are only 11 months apart in age and one has brown curly hair, the other has straight blonde hair. One is shy, the other is outgoing. One is 9 years old and the other is 10.

They came over for a swim and I couldn't believe my eyes! Girls, if you are reading this take a look at this video I've posted to see what I mean. Their names are Cynthia and Amanda and they want to be your PEN PALS!

Click here to see what they have to say to you.

I've spent a lot of time shopping (wow! the deals are pretty amazing... but more on that later) and catching up with my old friends.

Here is a video of us having lunch at Cassandra's house. This is typical Canadian lunch. Just click here to watch it.

I'm going back down to southern Ontario tomorrow to catch up with my dad's side of the family. More videos to follow.

All Blacks vs Canada

I am feeling completely back to normal now. The pain is a distant memory and I'm back to having fun and doing things like I did before. I returned to work with Mrs. P two weeks ago so I've had to adjust to getting things done in a tight schedule again. My days are busy and full. Brian is still working in Tokoroa through the week so I am juggling work and kids. I've finally got the kids trained to do the housework and they can even get their own dinner now! I'm pretty lucky. But of course I still do most of the cooking - but if they want beans on toast or noodles or spaghetti on toast for dinner, they can get it for themselves.

For the first time in a VERY long time, Brian and I got away for the weekend to watch the Canada vs. All Blacks Rugby game at Waikato Stadium in Hamilton. Chantelle was away at Brownie camp and Natalya stayed over at her friend Rebecca's. We were FREE! We stayed with our friends Bob and April.

The game was AWESOME! No one expected Canada to win. Rugby in NZ is like Hockey in Canada (well not that Canada's teams win anything... but most of the US teams consist of Canadian players). You get my drift. Rugby is NOT Canada's game. The Canadian Rugby team consisted mainly of French, Scottish and British guys anyway. There was even a Kiwi on the team! But they were young, fresh faced boys. The All Blacks are a team of seasoned Men... manly men with mean faces. I was scared for the boys.

But you know, everyone was totally impressed by the way the Canadian team played. The score might have been 64/13 but here's what one report said...

"Two full-strength sides head to head. At last! It says something about the state of the world rugby calendar that the only touring team at near-full strength throughout the whole of June has been the Canucks."

Canada gave the All Blacks a real fight. They fought to the bitter end. Their defence was stupendous! Probably too good because they missed a few offensive opportunities trying to fight the big bad All Blacks. The first half of the game looked so promising - Canada scored a flawless try and the crowd went wild! But the All Blacks came back in the second half with determination and absolutely slaughtered the boys of Canada. Still, it was a painful slaughter. The Canadians didn't just lie down to die. It was a gratifying slaughter. The Canadian supporters felt satisfied. Our boys did as well as they could. They done good.

It feels like winter now. The weather is cold, even if the sun is shining. There is no mistaking it, this is winter. Brrrrrrr.

Menopause is good

It has been two weeks now since surgery. I feel really good! It helps that I felt really really horrible leading into surgery. I was ready to move on to the next chapter.

Now in New Zealand before surgery, they ask you if you want to keep the organs that they remove. It's a Maori thing - they bury their parts in a traditional ceremony. I thought about it... I loved Science class when they dissected things... but instead I told the doctor that I wanted to see the organs afterward. I thought that it might help to give me closure. This surgery was a big deal and I needed to know that I made the right decision. I wouldn't know that unless I saw just why I needed to have those things cut out of me. Now if you are queasy about this kind of stuff, you may want to skip the next paragraph.

They brought them to me in the recovery room. I was still really groggy and my vision was blurry but I saw my ovary and uterus. The Ovary had a tennis ball sized tumour attached to it which was twice the size of the ovary. The tumour was smooth and shiny which means that it was harmless. Cancerous growths are jagged with tentacles. The uterus was enlarged due to the fibroids and stuff. There was a large patch of endometriosis on the top of it and the surgeon told me that I had patches of endometriosis throughout my abdominal cavity, mainly on the left side that she cauterized. That would have caused me a lot of pain. Plus when the biopsy results came back, they found that I had another rare thing going on with the muscle in my uterus... which causes pain as well. Clearly I made the right decision to have this surgery. These things were poisoning me for years.

When I woke up properly from surgery about 12 hours later, I felt lighter. Maybe it was the morphine... but I instantly felt better. Of course I had pain from surgery but internally I felt cleaner. In the first two days I hardly used any of my morphine pump so they took it out. I knew I was a fast healer with a high pain tolerance. I'm tough. My greatest cause of discomfort was actually wind pain. You see, when they operated, they had to move my intestines. When they put them back, there were kinks (like a hose that hasn't been wound up properly) so I couldn't eat solid food until I passed gas. I was like a colicky baby.

I convinced them to let me go home early. I was going crazy in the hospital and I wanted to be at home for the weekend. My friend Sharyn had been staying at the house with the girls while I was away. Brian was coming home for the weekend so he'd be home to take care of me. I wanted to wait until my symptoms of menopause started before taking HRT. I was warned that surgical menopause hits like a tonne of bricks. It's not like normal menopause which happens gradually. It hit Saturday night... hot sweats, crazy dreams, insomnia, goose bumps that felt like razor blades coming out of my skin, headache. Sunday morning Brian did a mercy dash to get my HRT prescription filled. It seems to be working. I still get occasional night sweats but it could be worse.

Technically I'm not supposed to do any lifting or reaching... but I didn't really think that meant that I couldn't put my empty suitcase away in the closet. Boy! Did I get into trouble! I was very naughty in general. Brian was good about it. I hate being fussed over and I don't like being told that I can't do something. When I told Brian that I wanted to go for a walk down the street to check out the new Saturday market - he told me I was mad and that I should be resting - but he let me take his arm and he walked with me. He said, "Come on Nanna. This is how it's going to be when we're 70."

I've taken this time to try to find old friends on facebook. It has consumed me. I've decided that since a large number of old friends from Elementary school are online, we might as well plan a reunion this summer. I was class Valedictorian so I feel it's my duty to take it on. I dragged out my huge box of memories (I got in trouble for dragging it out by myself) and I pulled out all of my old diaries, notes, class assignments, artwork, yearbooks and photos. It was overwhelming and I went for a long stroll down memory lane. Some of the things I found were hilarious (my journals - I was very open and honest about life and everyone I knew in it), some were really profound. There were also some painful memories in there but I was able to go through them all piece by piece. I've gone through that box from time to time but never with so much gusto. One note I came across was absolutely gut wrenchingly hilarious... it was a memo to myself when I have a teenage kid... I wrote it when I was 12.

It's nice that I've had this time to focus on these things. Memory lane is a nice place to be. I'm reminded of just how magical my childhood was. I grew up in the best neighbourhood at the best possible time. I went to an amazing Elementary School - St. Anne's. It was a Catholic School and we were raised with some really good morals and values. We didn't have popular kids at our school. We all hung out together. It wasn't until I went to highschool that I got a dose of hard reality. I'll never forget my first week at highschool - I befriended a girl in my home room named Dawn. She was hilarious and we got along great. I was confronted by some girls who thought they were popular to tell me that I was hanging around with the wrong people. If I wanted to be cool, I needed new friends. Sadly I was insecure and felt pressured to conform. Poor Dawn. But the following year I decided that I didn't like "cliques" so I became a "floater" and went from group to group. I never made any solid friendships in highschool because I floated so much. I had lots of friends... just none who I spent a lot of time with.

That's why facebook is so exciting. I'm getting a second chance with some friends I had the potential of becoming good friends with if I hadn't moved so much. I moved a lot because I was looking for a place where I could just be myself. It's taken me 20 years to find that place. It's called New Zealand. It's also called being in one's 30's. I'm in a great place and time. I feel internal peace for the first time in my life. Menopause is good.

May the 8th - Day of Reckoning

Obviously something has distracted me because I haven't been very good at updating my blog for those of you who check in regularly. I apologize and please give me a gentle reminder if you've checked in more than 5 times and it hasn't been updated.

I have been mildly (perhaps that's an understatement) obsessed with Facebook. I don't know what my problem is... I sit with the damn computer on my lap waiting for someone to join or someone to write! You'd think I didn't have a life! Apparently I don't.

Mrs. P has been away for a week up at Sandspit with her daughter so I've had a week off. I hoped to be productive during that week - and unless you call "networking" productive - I have achieved absolutely nothing. I did manage however, to scan a lot of photos (for facebook) and so now I have hard copies of them in case of natural disaster.

I'm back to work tomorrow and I imagine the withdrawal will be horrible. Lucky for me, I only work until 1:30!

So anyway, there's not a heck of a lot to report as you can see. BUT I do want to let you know that I finally have the date for my surgery... Tuesday May 8th (which is Monday evening there in Canada). May 3rd, 1985 was the day 22 years ago that I was first diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.

Just to recap - and for those of you who haven't yet heard about this and are finding out for the first time - I am going in to have a complete hysterectomy. Just before Christmas they found another tumour on my surviving ovary which appears to be a similar type to the kind I had as a child. The good news is that they found it early so they don't think it's become cancerous yet (and they told me that it was next to impossible to get another tumour again after 22 years). SO as a result of this finding we have decided that it's probably my best option to remove all of my reproductive parts.

It's not all bad - because look at how lucky I am to have found a family! Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do with a baby now. That's a life sentence! I only have to do half time. By the time I'm 40, the girls will be independent and Brian and I can go off travelling the world. I can't think of anything more appealing.

The only daunting thing about this surgery is the HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). I have had conflicting advice - take it, don't take it. The literature is horrifying either way. If I don't take it I can develop osteoporosis and increase my chances at heart disease (I already have dangerously high blood pressure). If I do take it, I increase my chances of breast cancer and stroke by 70%! Shit.

I've decided to stop reading and just take things as they come. I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst (but am determined to fight my way through it). I may have some sadness for a while which is normal and expected. I can't say I'll miss having my period though! Whooo hooo!!

Support is critical. Laughter essential. Facebook absolute.

Middle Earth is ALIVE!

I have too many photos to post from Manna's visit so I have to write another blog entry to show them off.

The girls went to stay with their Uncle Rodney on his Dairy Farm for the rest of the school holidays. They get two weeks off during Easter - between terms.

So while the kids were away - Manna and I got to let loose and have fun! Unfortunately, we were both suffering from really bad colds... which turned into the flu! We had intentions to walk the Tongariro Crossing - which is an 8 hour hike through craters and volcanic valleys... but we weren't well enough.

Soooo... we went to Rotorua to see the Geothermal activity. The day was a bit cool so the steam was extra steamy coming out of the earth! We saw natural mud pools bubbling up out of the earth. The whole place smelled like sulphur. It was alive with activity! To see a video of some bubbling mud click here. At any moment the earth could open up and eat us live!

No trip to Rotorua would be complete without a trip to the Luge! Manna doesn't have her licence so she had a great time zipping down the luge tracks on her cart. She wasn't as competitive as Brian... so she didn't give me any good races... but we had heaps of fun nontheless.

Brian has family in Rotorua - his cousin David lives there with his family. They were very gracious to let us stay with them for the night (thanks Grant and Kelly for giving up your beds to sleep on the floor in the lounge!). We had an easy dinner at McDonalds (which looks like a Marae)...
before enjoying the Polynesian Spa for a soak in the Sulphur Mineral Pools. Grant came along with Manna and I - and afterward we enjoyed sampling the testers in the gift shop! Grant was a great sport! He loved the fact that we were using him as a model for the products.... as he admitted that his mum would NEVER let him do this!

Yes, I bought some products.

The following day Manna and I drove down to Taupo and stopped at Huka Falls for a hike. To our delight we came across a natural hot river which flowed into the Huka River. It was off the beaten track and not at all a tourist spot. We thought we found a little piece of heaven. Too bad we didn't have our bathing suits! It didn't stop me from tearing off my shoes and hopping in for a wade...





It was like having our very own natural spa pool. Imagine having one of these in your backyard?



Our next stop was a place called "Craters of the Moon" which is like being on another planet. The place is SO alive with geothermal activity... the earth sizzles. To see some sizzling earth click here. New thermal holes appear daily - which is a bit of a worry when you're walking along the trails because it really could just disappear from under you feet and you could end up in a boiling hot mud pool just under the surface of the earth. Notice the sign... it says "Danger Unstable Thermal Area"... Crazy stuff.

Manna from Japan!

My friend Manna has just been staying with us for 10 days. I met her when we were living in Stratford - we were on the same dragonboat team. She was working as a Japanese translater for an Automotive company. Her father is Canadian but she was raised in Japan and came to Canada for University. When I first left for NZ, Manna subletted my apartment. And that's my history with Manna!

She has been doing her Masters of Teaching in Australia and did a term in Nelson (in the South Island). She came to stay with us en route back to Japan where she will finish her thesis.

It was so great having her here! It was like we were back in Canada... except for the touristy stuff we did. The girls and I took her to the Kiwi 360 - where they grow Kiwi fruit. It's in a town about 15 minutes away called Te Puke. We also went to see a Bee Display that day but for some reason we totally forgot to take photos! It was all quite fascinating. Did you know that worker bees are female? The males can't collect pollen. Their only purpose is to mate with the queen - and once they do that, they die! Below the girls are doing the "Price is Right" model thing and showing us the beautiful Kiwi fruit growing on the vine. Manna is happy to pose with the luscious Kiwi fruit dangling behind her.

Then we took a drive to Maketu where they make the famous "Maketu Pies". Meat pies are a staple food of the Kiwi diet. You can buy hot pies from every gas station across the country. Maketu is quite an easy drive from my house and I'd never been there before! It just goes to show how great it is to just hop in the car and drive sometimes. We didn't know where we were going.

Here Manna is enjoying her Maketu pie AND L&P which is a complete Kiwi meal. YUM!








We went on a day hike with a group of girls from my church through Native NZ bush. Our objective was to look at two of the oldest Kauri trees in the area. Kauri is a NZ Native tree - they are the Redwood of this country. Most of the Kauri were chopped down in the 1950's but these trees were spared due to the fact that they were deep in the bush and it would have been too difficult to get them out. Lucky for the trees!

We had to cross the river 8 times to get to the trees! It was such a fun trek! The girls were so impressive. No one fell while crossing the rapids and no one complained of cold wet feet. Kiwi girls are tough as guts!














And here are the girls hamming it up. The two on the left are mine. We have seen the trees... we have eaten our lunch... and now we are about to cross the 8 rivers we crossed to get here.