Moving Forward... finding my feet... oh yes... there they are!

I don't want this to be a sad blog entry... but it's going to be very difficult to write it without feeling sadness. But in actual fact, I have always embraced change and see what good can come out of even the most challenging situations.

It has been one month since Brian decided to take the girls and walk out of my life. I don't need to get into the nitty gritty of the circumstance because it really isn't relevant. The fact is, relationships need two dedicated partners to make it work - and we didn't have that. I was devastated that he chose to take the girls without letting them say goodbye to me or their friends or teachers. I haven't spoken to them but I truly hope they are adjusting to their new life. I will always think of them as my girls and hope that they will find their way back to me one day when they are given the right to make their own decisions.

I have to continue to move forward - it's the only way to get through grief. I got myself a part time job working at a Rest Home because I haven't been earning much of an income as a full time stay at home mother AND running my part time massage clinic. Rent is rather high in this area and I don't want to lose the house and my business. The job at the Rest Home feeds my need to nurture and I work the 4-9pm shift (which are the hours during the day I found the most difficult because those were my "Mummy" hours). It works out really well with my Massage business because I can still book patients in during the daytime.

The most amazing things have been happening to me since Brian left. My business is doing SO well! I have had quite a few new patients and my "regulars" have been so supportive throughout this transition. I am truly blessed. Now that I have more time, I am digging my heels in and marketing my business as it should be. I am going to be JUST FINE. For the first time I have a clear vision of where I want the business to head - and a 5 year plan to follow. It's very exciting.

Brian took all of the furniture (he didn't even leave me a foam mat to sleep on). He left the appliances and the stuff I shipped over from Canada - all my art work and antiques. At the time it was pretty devastating. I was the one who put all the effort into shopping for that furniture (I bought just about everything online) so it was stuff that I chose. It hurt that he took it - but the friends who were here supporting me while he was moving out kept reminding me that it was just "stuff" and to let it go. It was actually really cleansing. Once he was gone, I went on a cleaning frenzy! I had the carpets cleaned and I washed every inch of this place - even the ceiling tiles! I have discovered that cleaning is good therapy.

I told myself that I was starting fresh. I pretended that I had just moved here from Canada and I was starting over. That's when "stuff" just started falling into my lap. I bought a new bed off a couple who had decided to upgrade to a King Size. It is such a GREAT bed! I got it for next to nothing. Then I bought a sofa off a lady who's marriage split up and she was moving into a smaller house. It's the sofa I "visualized" when I started looking for one LAST YEAR (but settled on the one Brian took). I swear... it's so perfect... and it's a sofa bed! I got it for NOTHING! Plus, this same lady had a dining room suite for sale - so I bought that too! It is SO lovely... but the chairs were quite grubby with sticky fingerprints. I was SO delighted when I got them home only to realize that they have removable slip covers! So I threw them in the washing machine and VOILA! The table can be extended too. A dining suite like this would cost thousands!


All the while, I was doing massages to pay for this stuff so I wasn't worrying about money. Next, I bought a couple of area carpets off a girl who is moving to Australia and is selling everything. I felt that purchasing carpets was a luxury and not necessity but it became clear that it wasn't really about the carpets - we have now become friends (who is surprised by that statement?) and I helped her at her garage sale and ended up buying more "luxury" stuff off her. Know how I afforded it?

I bought myself a wedding band about three years ago shortly after Brian asked me to marry him (yes, I bought my own wedding ring - I should have known THEN that it wasn't going to work). I have never worn the ring so a few months ago I decided to sell it online. I had a few offers but they weren't really high enough and I wasn't desperate to get rid of it... so I held on and kept trying to get as close to the price as I could... and I did! I sold it for $27.50 less than what I paid! Can you believe that? For those of you who know about The Secret - you know that this is no accident.


So now, just one month later - I am sitting in a home that is all my own - surrounded by things that I chose and that I enjoy. I am happier than I've felt for a long time. I still feel love for Brian but I have let him go. I won't invite toxic people into my life again. This was a good life lesson. I will always be grateful for that relationship because without it, I wouldn't be where I am today. Three years have been invested into the lives of two beautiful little girls and I know that won't be wasted. I feel so good about that.

And as an added bonus, all that weight I put on last year after my surgery has fallen off and I am back to feeling like my old self.

So now it's time for me. That invitation is still open for anyone who wants to come to NZ for a holiday! I have lots of extra room now! Here are some photos of my spare room just to tempt you...




















I'm thinking about possibly getting an international student in to help out with rent or perhaps even offering short term accommodation to someone who is like me - finding their feet.

CanTeen Relaxation Weekend in Rotorua

I have just come back from a fantastic weekend away as a CanTeen Volunteer. CanTeen is an organization that provides support for teenagers and young adults who are affected by cancer - they either have had cancer, are in treatment, have a sibling with cancer or have lost a family member to cancer. It's a fantastic organization and it is very dear to my heart.

I have really missed this. For the past three years I have put my volunteering on the backburner because I have been focused on my new role as a mother. I miss working with kids in a fun and positive environment (being a mother is SOOOOOOOO different than being a camp counselor and I need the balance to keep me sane). I loved my summers as a camp counselor at Camp Oochigeas - a camp for children with cancer in Muskoka. CanTeen is much different - they have activities throughout the year and the focus is on teenagers rather than children.

This weekend was the "Relaxation Weekend in Rotorua" but it was so jam packed with activities that you can hardly call it a "relaxation" weekend. It was AWESOME!!!

These photos are of Meriwai (above) and Aisha (on the right) at Te Puia with some Maori carvings. Meriwai is showing me the facial expression the females would use during times of conflict. Aisha won't poke his tongue out because it would be disrespectful.

Bex is the co-ordinator for the Bay of Plenty division. She picked me up at 3:00 on Friday afternoon in a cab with a jovial but VERY deaf cabdriver. I was highly entertained in the backseat as Bex tried to have a conversation with our driver. She would say something and he would reply totally randomly. I sat in the back giggling. We picked up two vans from a local car rental place - Bex took dibs on the smaller 10 seater so I got stuck with the 12 seater beast! It was a good experience but a little scary driving a bunch of kids through winding narrow roads in an old manual diesel van!!!

We stayed at a brand new backpackers in Rotorua. The building was completely self-contained so we didn't have to worry about being too noisy and disturbing the other guests. There were 5 rooms on the main level, each with two or three bunks. Upstairs there was a large lounge with 6 leather sofas, a large kitchen with three large tables with bench seats and a double bedroom with ensuite. It was ideal for groups - so much better than staying at a hotel. A few of the volunteers (including me) stayed in the main backpackers lodge which meant a much more peaceful sleep!

There were 31 of us in total. Groups of CanTeeners came from the Waikato region (Hamilton), Bay of Plenty (Tauranga) and East Cape (Gisborne). Some of the kids were new to CanTeen and some have been around for years. We spent Friday night playing name games to get to know everyone. We had Dominos Pizza and KFC (yep, we get that crap here too) for dinner and ate heaps of lollies and bickies (a.k.a. candy and cookies).

We got an early start Saturday so that we could fit everything into our day. First we headed to "Te Puia" which is a geothermal park geared for tourists. I've been to quite a few of the geothermal parks in Rotorua but I try to avoid the tourist traps... mainly because they are so expensive. Te Puia was nice but I can't honestly say it was any better than the free parks. It was fancier and had paved walkways... but I rather prefer the natural mud paths. We had a tour guide named TJ - he was the first gay Maori I've ever seen! I think that was the highlight of the tour for me! TJ gave a great tour and he was very tolerant of the noisy teenagers. We got to watch a kiwi bird eating grubs in a natural enclosure. TJ showed us how the Maori people used flax to make clothes and we all got to make rosettes out of flax.

We then hopped in the vans and drove out to the Lake District where we were going on an afternoon cruise around Lake Tarawera in a private charter boat. The skipper took us out fishing (we caught one Rainbow Trout) and to a place where natural hot springs come out from the bottom of the lake to create a steamy hot beach where you can swim. None of us jumped in though - because it was a little too cool outside. Shame, that would have been a great experience. I'll have to put that on my list of things to do in the future. It was a really relaxing cruise and it made me feel like I was back in Canada - with the fall colours and the freshwater lakes.

Our next stop was Hell's Gate Waiora Spa for a nice soak in the mud baths and mineral pools. It leaves your skin amazingly soft (unless you're Abby - bottom right photo in the bath with Bex - who had an allergic reaction to the mud causing her eyes to practically swell shut).















It was a very full day - but it wasn't finished yet. We headed back to the hostel for a couple of hours before heading to the Polytech where the Chef School was hosting a beautifully catered dinner for all of us. They were so generous, the meal was absolutely delicious. It was served buffet style so we could chose what we liked and have as much as we wanted. There was plenty of it too. We dined by candlelight and there were servers for each table who placed our napkins on our laps and kept filling our water glasses. It was nicer than some of the really fancy restaurants I've eaten at.

What a day! Back at the hostel, the kids had a reverse sex fashion show (where they had to get creative with simple items to create fashion as the opposite sex - girls dressed as guys and guys as girls). Lianne, Bex, Abby, Aisha & I were the judges. The kids were so creative and made us laugh so hard!! It reminded me just how carefree teenagers are and how uninhibited they can be. It was so refreshing enjoying them. I think the more I spend with CanTeen, the better mother I will be.

Sunday was a little less busy. A few of us headed to the 'paint your own ceramic' craft place while some others played water polo at the Blue Baths. We all met later at the driving range to play some mini putt, hit some golf balls and have a go at the batting cages. We were on the road heading back home by 2pm.

I am so glad that I went. I needed to reconnect with the teenager inside of me - it's been a while.

While in Mahia Beach...

A few weeks ago Brian and I returned to Mahia Beach - the place where it all happened - where we met. Mahia Beach is a very secluded place, it's quiet, peaceful and very very beautiful. It attracts the tourists who are searching for this type of solitude and at this time of the year (as it gets colder) there aren't many of those tourists around. It's a shame because nearby in a little place called Morore, about 15 minutes outside of Mahia is one of the nicest natural hot mineral pools in all of New Zealand. The pools are set back in a natural New Zealand rain forest along a fresh water stream. You have to walk down a nature trail through native trees with birds singing for about 10 minutes before getting to the pools. It's never too busy and this is the best time of the year to go.

Just to remind those of you who don't know - Brian and I met while I was working as a bartender in the pub. The owners, Ardie and Dicey Symes gave me a job and a place to stay when I was totally desperate and had absolutely no where to go, no money and didn't have my work visa yet. They are amazing people - they adopt everyone and just give and give and give to their children. They also have good work ethic and teach people that you have to work hard to survive. They are excellent role models for the Mahitian residents (who probably take them for granted) because if it wasn't for them taking a risk and opening the pub, Mahia would have absolutely nothing but the sea. Btw, the pub is up for sale if anyone is interested in a change of lifestyle.

It's not a thriving business at this time of the year but the local patrons keep it entertaining. Dicey's brother Ritchie is the local entertainment - he plays his guitar and sings every Friday and Saturday night. He's really good. He's also full of personality and like his sister, has a great big heart.

It was awesome going back there - it's been nearly three years since we left and we haven't been back since. Not a lot has changed even though it seems we have changed so much since then. We caught up with our friends Pop (on the far right), Cappy (he got his name because he wears that damn purple woolen beanie all the time!), and Pauly (the one on the left). They are all characters, they are all lovely guys, they all have tragic stories, but they are all so warm and welcoming and happy to talk to everyone. Unfortunately, they spend far too much time at the pub... but there's not a heck of a lot else to do. They make a living from fishing.



The pub is also a restaurant, it has a big screen T.V. to watch Rugby and any other major program on television (you can put in a request to watch anything) as well as the "Pokie Machines" for a little gambling (pokies are slot machines) if you're bored. Brian enjoys the pokies but he doesn't get to play on them much these days... so Ardie gave him $6 to play with (now whenever Ardie gives anyone money, they usually win big time)... in no time he had it up to $76... I told him to quit while he was ahead. I never gamble but I thought it might be fun so I asked for $10. Brian gave me a quick tutorial and I started to play, even though I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I told myself that I was going to win the jackpot... AND I DID!!!!! The jackpot was $980! I shouted a round drinks for everyone.



Ardie and Dicey let us stay in one of their rental properties for the weekend. It is also up for sale (they are buying more and more properties on the Gold Coast in Australia where I think they'd like to retire) and for a while I seriously thought about buying it. Mahia is the sort of place you'd want to go to escape the hustle and bustle of life. You can learn to surf, go diving for crayfish and paua, collect pipi's, walk along the stretch of white sand looking for seashells, spend the day at the Morore hotsprings, doing some of the hikes through the rainforest before your long soak, have dinner and hang out with the locals at Sunset Point, there's even a decent golf course. It really feels like you are on holiday. But realistically, I just don't have the money or even the staying power to buy anything... I'll always be a gypsy and gypsy's don't invest in real estate unless they inherit it. I'd rather just cruise around and stay wherever someone has a bed. Lucky for me... I have a lot of friends.