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Sunday, December 29, 2013

Winner of the Diamond and Cruise Raffle

I've said it before, fundraising is hard work.  I've never done anything like this before.  Asking for help isn't easy.  I've always had my own business and made my own money.  I don't get paid holiday time so when I take time off work, it costs me double from lost income and lost time.

I agreed to join the expedition because I loved the concept of Kilimanjaro and knew it would fit very well with my own personal story which I had been working on with a number of media as a way of raising awareness of ovarian cancer in New Zealand. I found people were able to empathize with and loved the metaphor of climbing Kilimanjaro after all the challenges I’ve conquered in my life. 

I got 10,000 flyers designed and printed (thanks to my friend and client, graphic artist Trudy Malone and printer Steve Kale), promoting the expedition to distribute around New Zealand.  My story was featured in three national magazines - New Zealand Good Health, M2Woman & Verve;  I was on the radio numerous times and featured in the Hubbard's cereal clipboard newsletter which reached 500,000 homes.  I was discovered by the Ladies Trekking Club based in Estonia and invited to contribute to a book they were publishing about women around the globe who have conquered Kilimanjaro.  Sales of the book will help buy textbooks for children in Tanzania.  

I worked tirelessly, staying up into the wee hours writing articles and chasing up emails.  I was also training very hard and I let my business slide.  It was exhausting.  The year flew by!


I would not have been able to get to Africa without the support of my friends and the local business community. Most of the people who donated to help get me to Tanzania were people who know me. My friends in both Canada and New Zealand donated personal money to help towards my expenses and the business community helped with promoting the cause by donating time and kitting me out for the expedition.
I’m very proud of what I achieved in such a short space of time, a little over 9 months.  I feel I achieved my goal - to educate and inspire.  I am still amazed at how few people know about Ovarian Cancer.  There is still a lot of work that needs to be done.

Having said that, I had not raised enough to afford the trip AND pay the donation of $2,900 ($2,500CAD) to the charity I did the climb through so I had one more attempt at raising the money when I returned.

I have some generous friends.  One such friend charters overnight cruises in the Doubtful Sound.  His company is called Fiordland Cruises.  He donated a cruise for two people on his luxury yacht at a value of $1,300.

I purchased a diamond eternity ring and donated it to the cause at a value of $2,599.

I also personally donated a Magic Hands Massage - a value of $100.

Ticket sales for this package prize were a little better than the other raffle.  I printed off 1000 tickets and sold about half of them in a month.   It brought in just under $2,000 selling 3 tickets for $20. I would like to thank my angels who helped sell tickets.  I really appreciate your effort and more importantly, support and belief in me.

Once again I'm amazed at the support and generosity from this community.  So all up I am just a few hundred short of my goal.  I'm really happy with the result.  

I'm even happier to be finished fundraising for that particular charity.  Sadly, they were a huge disappointment and I won't be supporting them in the future.  I feel I'm better off fundraising for smaller charities who appreciate the effort.  Large charities (particularly in North America) are best targeting corporations who have the funding to match the costs it takes to pay the wages of the charity's staff.  I may write more about this in another post.


The draw was held on Christmas Day.  Click HERE to view the video of the draw on my One Mountain At A Time Facebook page .

Congratulations to the winner - Sarah Cooper!  I had so many good friends purchase tickets wanting to win this prize.  I was so excited to see one of them win.  Sarah is one of my closest friends so when her name was drawn I was overjoyed!  I couldn't believe it.  She's had a tough year so this was a wonderful way to end it on a positive note.  Now I can admire the diamond ring whenever I see her.  :)

It felt great giving away so much this year.  To give away over $8,000 worth of prizes for Christmas felt amazing.  This is the true spirit of giving.  

The Winner of the Annah Stretton Raffle


I've said it before, fundraising is hard work.  I've never done anything like this before.  Asking for help isn't easy.  I've always had my own business and made my own money.  I don't get paid holiday time so when I take time off work, it costs me double from lost income and lost time.


I agreed to join the expedition because I loved the concept of Kilimanjaro and knew it would fit very well with my own personal story which I had been working on with a number of media as a way of raising awareness of ovarian cancer in New Zealand. I found people were able to empathize with and loved the metaphor of climbing Kilimanjaro after all the challenges I’ve conquered in my life.

I got 10,000 flyers designed and printed (thanks to my friend and client, graphic artist Trudy Malone and printer Steve Kale), promoting the expedition to distribute around New Zealand.  I was featured in three national magazines - New Zealand Good Health, M2Woman & Verve;  I was on the radio numerous times and was featured in the Hubbard's cereal clipboard newsletter which reached 500,000 homes.  I was discovered by the Ladies Trekking Club based in Estonia and invited to contribute to a book they were publishing about women around the globe who have conquered Kilimanjaro.  Sales of the book will help buy textbooks for children in Tanzania.

I worked tirelessly, staying up into the wee hours writing articles and chasing up emails.  I was also training very hard and I let my business slide.  It was exhausting.  The year flew by!

I would not have been able to get to Africa without the support of my friends and the local business community. Most of the people who donated to help get me to Tanzania were people who know me. My friends in both Canada and New Zealand donated personal money to help towards my expenses and the business community helped with promoting the cause by donating time and kitting me out for the expedition.

I’m very proud of what I achieved in such a short space of time, a little over 9 months.  I feel I achieved my goal - to educate and inspire.  I am still amazed at how few people know about Ovarian Cancer.  There is still a lot of work that needs to be done.

Having said that, I had not raised enough to afford the trip AND pay the donation of $2,900 ($2,500CAD) to the charity I did the climb through so I had one more attempt at raising the money when I returned.

I'm very fortunate to have wonderful contacts.  New Zealand fashion designer Annah Stretton generously donated a prize valued at $2,250 which includes a session at her Tauranga Birds of a Feather Store with her own personal stylist for 6 women to have an entire afternoon of pampering and fashion consultation.  It also includes individual follow up appointments valued at $250 each.  That's a value of $3,750!  

I love Annah's style.  I purchased one of her wrap skirts made from vintage gold fabric and can be worn multiple ways - a value of $360 - to donate to the cause.

I also personally donated a Magic Hands Massage - a value of $100.

Ticket sales didn't go as well as I'd hoped.  I printed off 1000 tickets and sold less than a third of them at 3 for $10.  Still, it brought me a few hundred dollars closer to my target.  Once again I'm amazed at the support and generosity from my community.

The draw was held on Christmas Day.  Click HERE to view the video of the draw on my One Mountain At A Time Facebook page .

Congratulations to the winner - Rebecca Davies!  It gave me the greatest pleasure to contact Rebecca to give her the best Christmas present she's ever received.  I wish every Christmas could feel this nice.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Magic Hands is Moving!


The reason I haven't been writing is because life is changing so rapidly!

When I went to Africa, I knew life was going to change.  It was the first time in 10 years that wasn't excited about coming back to New Zealand.   I just knew I was never going to "fit" back into my old life and that feeling scared me.

I've lived in this house at 11 Grenada Street for 7 years.  It's the longest I've ever lived anywhere - apart from the house I grew up in on Morrie Court in Hanmer.  I love this house.  I love the location of it.  I love the layout.  I love the way it catches the sun.  I love the two fireplaces.  I love the garden.  I love the abundance of oranges which give me fresh squeezed orange juice for free.  I love my studio space.  I love that I can walk everywhere from here.  I love that my cats have a nice big garden to roam in.  I've loved the freedom this house has given me.  I love that I know I can survive here.

I will miss it.  This house has been good to me.

But it was never mine to keep.  I've only rented it.  I'm not in the position to buy and that's been fine with me.  I have never had the desire to own.  I considered it once or twice, but with my life the way it is, owning something doesn't make much sense. 

So when I arrived back from Africa and saw that the wind had blown down all of my business signs - ALL of them -  I thought, "Hmmm that's a sign."  It didn't feel like home anymore.  It was just a building full of stuff I've bought.  We need houses to store our stuff.

The very next day, my landlady came by to do some gardening.  She never does my gardening.  In fact, my gardening is probably the one thing about this property I dislike the most.  It's a big garden and I spend so much time weeding.  When it is finished, the garden is beautiful but it's a big job to keep tidy.  I've threatened to move for this reason alone.

When she finished, she told  me she was putting the house on the market.  It was going up on auction in a month.

I took a deep breath.  It confirmed what I already knew,  it was all happening so fast!  I believe things happen for a reason and sometimes when you can't make a decision, the universe conspires to make that decision for you. 

I was still in my Africa mind set - Hakuna Matata.  She was amazed how well I took it.

There were so many possibilities.  The house might not sell.  The housing market is a bit slow.  I thought about whether I should look into buying it.  My gut said no, it's time to move on.  There are a lot of memories in this house which are holding me back from moving forward.  It's time to let go.

Maybe another investor would buy it and want me to stay.  I'd already decided I was leaving. People said it wouldn't sell by Christmas...  but I KNEW it was going.  I knew it the day those signs blew down.  I think I knew even before I left for Africa.

So I've been busy packing and sorting through CRAP I have collected over the years.  I brought a lot of my "core" items with me from Canada so it's not an easy task paring down to the minimum.  I don't have much furniture but I have a few pieces that I can't part with plus my big box of memories.

I have a lot of stuff for one person and I'm a little embarrassed to say I'm attached to it.  It makes me feel sick.  Sick that I can't let it go and sick because I know that it holds me back from being totally free.  But it has a purpose.  Some people have family.  I have my memories... and that means just as much.

My house needed a good clear out.  When you live in a three bedroom house by yourself, it's easy to spread out.  Every closet was full of stuff I was saving.  I had a closet full of "gifts" for other people that had never been given away.  Most of those gifts were things given to me that I never needed or spontaneous purchases, often on sale.  I'm so against unnecessary gift giving for this reason alone. 

A car load of stuff went to my friend Jan who was collecting junk to sell for her charity Kitty Cat Fixers to raise funds to help de-sex animals in the community.  A very worthy cause.  Another trailer load of stuff was donated to Women's Refuge - a place where women and children go when they have left a violent abusive partner - an experience I've known all too well. 

It felt really good giving to these charities, especially at this time of the year.  There are more kittens born in the warmer months and people need to be educated on the importance of preventing more unwanted pets.  There is more incidence of domestic violence at Christmas time than any other time of the year.  The stresses of Christmas often bring out the worst in people.   These are two issues I am passionate about.


All the while I'm clearing out, purging.  The house SOLD at auction.   There was one bidder.  I was told I had 6 weeks to move.  Well at least I knew.  Now I could really focus on the task at hand.  I would be starting 2014 with a completely fresh start.  Exciting and scary.

Suddenly I began to notice all the negatives about this place.  The street is getting busier and noisier.  My neighbour's dog barks all day long and their kids scream and they smoke a lot of pot.  The Bayfair roundabout is getting busier which means the traffic is getting worse coming home.  The whole place needs a paint job.  I have an ant problem.  I have seen more white tail spiders than ever before.  My favourite mandarin tree died.  The weeds seem to grow faster than ever.  My closets are too small.  I wish I had a bathtub.  My clinic is really just a room in the garage and it has damp issues.  It gets really cold in the winter.  My power bills have been ridiculously high. 

I'm trying to focus on that and believe that something better is out there waiting for me.

As I pack up my "stuff" I realize that this is just a building.  The soul was what I put into it.  It's my stuff that makes it feel like home.  The familiar items that give me comfort.  This is part of attachment that I know I still need to work on.  My "stuff" makes me happy.  But I don't NEED stuff to BE happy.  That's the difference.
 
When one door closes, another opens.  You have to let go of the old in order to make room for the new.  Life isn't about holding on, it's about being free.  BUT you still must be sensible.  And that's what I'm trying to be.  Rather than just recklessly giving all my worldly possessions away, I'm trying to be responsible.  I know I'd regret getting rid of that painting I bought from an Israeli art student who was selling his stuff door to door when I lived in Stratford.  Maybe that means I'm still attached but that's okay.

I've accepted an offer to live in the Papamoa Hills on an estate called Ridge Country Retreat.  It was purchased fairly recently by a guy who is wanting to create a full time Well-Being Retreat Centre.  I ran a weekend detox retreat up there with my colleagues Rachel and Alexa a few weeks ago.  It was a huge success and I must have left a lasting impression to be asked to live up there full time.   It's only 20 minutes up the road from where I am so not a huge move.  The views are stunning and it comes with lots of perks.


It sounds like an ideal situation and it really could be the paradise I'm looking for.  I'm nervous about giving up my independence.   I will have to be careful about finding balance and not letting work take over. 

But it will also be a good place to rest and recharge and to properly use my skills and talents.  I will be able to offer more workshops and share my knowledge with others.  I'll have other like minded people around me to bounce ideas off.  I'll have less noise to distract me. 

I have wonderful friends who have offered to store my boxes of stuff until I'm more settled.  That alone gives me anxiety because I don't know how long that will be.  I'm already planning my next trip back to Africa in July 2014.  I may not need my stuff for a while.  My comforts make me so uncomfortable!


I used to love change.  I loved the thrill of discovering new territory.  I am a pioneer after all.   I just have to remember what it feels like.

“Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Mark Twain

But I'm human too, it is quite normal feeling sad about leaving a home that I found such happiness and safety in.  I have to trust that it's time to move on so I can grow and expand my happiness.  My gut is always right - there are bigger and better things on the horizon. 

Ridge Country Retreat - here I come. 


Thursday, November 14, 2013

Summitting Kilimanjaro - Part 3

After lunch I climbed into my sleeping bag for warmth.  I was absolutely knackered and had very little energy.  The smallest task seemed like such a big effort.  My hands weren't working properly and I was getting a little confused about what day it was.  I was tired but I knew I probably wouldn't sleep.  There was too much happening at Kibo camp, my anxiety pumping my blood full of adrenalin.  The best I could do was rest.

I took this video when I got into my tent.  I'm glad I did these videos because they show how my personality was changing.  This is what the guides are trained to recognize which could indicate cerebral edema, which could result in death.  If they see a dramatic personality change they would need to get that person down to lower altitude fast! 




Notice how small my pupils are.

I rested for about 7 hours, until 9:30pm when we got up to have something to eat and get ready  for the night summit which began at 11pm.

It was a cold, crisp, clear night.  It stopped snowing, there was a bright moon and millions of stars in the sky.  The perfect night for our ascent.

There are a few reasons to ascend Kibo at night.  One reason is mental - if you can't see where you're going, you are less likely to talk yourself out of it.  It literally tricks your mind into thinking, "it can't be much further".   It forces you to be the moment, walking one slow step in front of the other, thinking only as far as your head torch can illuminate.  I knew we would stop every hour so I kept walking, focusing my gaze down on the person's feet in front of  me.  There was no point looking up because there was no telling whether you were looking at the stars or the headlamps of other climbers.  Focusing on the person's feet in front of mine was my walking meditation.  The guides were watching for obvious signs of edema and asking, "You okay Mama?" satisfied when they got a nod and a fake smile.  They were marvelous.
Forcing my fake smile at around 3am
Another reason to climb at night is that although climbing up a mountain at night is hard, scrambling down one in the dark would be worse.  If you climb Kilimanjaro during the day in 8 hours and something went wrong, you run the risk of coming down when it's getting dark.  That's far more dangerous.

I saw a woman who had fallen when she got to the top and took quite a tumble down, leaving her face gashed and bruised from the jagged rocks.

It was very cold.  I had hand warmers in my gloves and boot warmers at my toes but they were useless.  I thought I was going to get frostbite.  Our guides and porters often didn't have gloves and if they did, they gave them away to one of us and jammed their hands in their pockets.  I even saw a porter wearing sandals on his feet without any socks.  I don't know how on earth he did it.  Those guys are the true heroes.  They climb that mountain for us and to ensure we make it to the top.  They sacrifice anything and everything for us for just a few dollars a day.  I watched one of our guides walk backwards in front of an older member of our group, giving her encouragement the whole way up the mountain.  He took personal interest in her.  It wasn't until later that he told us that she had the same name as his wife.  He was her hero on that mountain.  The thought brings a tear to my eye.

I drew within myself even more the higher we climbed.  At high altitude your body goes into survival mode.  Beyond irritability, empathy and compassion fades.  We've all heard stories of people dying on Everest and the body gets left behind.  I could never understand how anyone could do that - until now.  Of course this isn't Everest but altitude is a strange thing to explain.  When you see a person struggling and there is a guide assisting them, you carry on.  The moment you stop to put your energy into them, you compromise  your own chances of succeeding.  I found it very odd as I'm normally such a compassionate person.  Maybe it would have been different if I was climbing with someone I knew.  But as it was, this was a very private internal journey for me.  I was on this mountain for a reason.

It brought me back to being a 10 year old in the hospital where I'd lose a friend every week.  I got good at knowing who was next, just by the way they stopped fighting to live.  Once someone gives up, there is no pulling them back.  They have to have the determination to survive.  It is a harsh lesson for a 10 year old to learn but it made me understand my own fighting spirit when I re-lived that same experience on Kili.  I kept my distance from the kids that were giving up on life because I knew it would be too easy to get pulled into that negative space.  I refused to see myself as sick.  I was in the hospital to get better, not to die.


Death is easier than any of us realize - until you come so close to it you can smell it.  We all have the capability of choosing to die.  For me, that was never more evident than on Kilimanjaro.  The fatal combination of lack of oxygen, freezing cold temperatures and physical exhaustion is enough to make you close your eyes for one minute too long and slip away into unconsciousness, never to wake again.  I came close to that point up there and I was at peace with death.  It happens more often than people realize.   But this is what our guides are for.  They don't let us sleep.

William
I had angels looking after me.  I continued on the climb with Macon Dunnagan and his porter William who constantly encouraged me to keep going.   I was not a happy camper but William paid no mind to my mood and did his best to get a smile out of me every so often.  It was impossible to resist his charms.  We were so close to Gilman's Point as the sharp rock turned into big boulders which made for tricky manoeuvring.  I wanted to cry but I didn't know whether it was because my body was sore, tired or happy.  I felt nothing, not even excitement.  I was stoic.  

But I was also determined.  I set my mind on a task - to reach Uhuru.  When I say I'm going to do something, I do it.  I was climbing for all the women who fought for their life and didn't make it and the women who would be diagnosed with ovarian cancer in their lifetime.  This wasn't about me at all.

Sunrise on Kilimanjaro
I reached Gilman's Point at 5:30am.  Uhuru was still another 2 hours away along the crater rim.  It was bitter cold, the sun was yet to rise through the blanket of  cloud that nestled the mountain.  Macon, William and I forged on.  The sky turned orange as the sun peaked it's rays up over the clouds.  It was a majestic sight and I stopped to smile as it hit me.  I was standing on the roof of Africa and I was alive. 



To be continued...

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Conquering Kilimanjaro Part 2

Kibo on Day 3 -  at Cave 3 Camp
Day 4

This is when the hard work really started.  We woke up to a blanket of snow covering the mountain.   The wet snow pelting our faces as we struggled to walk (pole pole) from 4000 meters to 4700 meters.  
Kibo on the morning of Day 4
We reached Kibo camp by 2pm, that's when reality hit - I was not in Kansas anymore.  

Pole Pole in the cold wet conditions to Kibo
The weather went from bad to worse, sleeting and hailing down in all directions.  Kibo is the "hub" of Kilimanjaro where all the trampers are coming up and down the mountain from different directions.  We came via the Rongai Route which was one of the lesser used tracks.  We had only seen a few groups along the way, it was relatively quiet.  But Kibo was another story.  It was chaos!

There were groups of trampers coming and going.  Our porters were frantically trying to assemble tents and set up camp in the wet snow.  The place was buzzing with languages from all parts of the world as people had come to this place for their own personal reasons and conquests.

I was tired, cold, wet and grumpy.  I stood there taking it all in and waiting for my tent to be assembled as my bags got wetter and wetter.  I thought,  "What on earth am I doing here?"  Reality hit like a tonne of bricks.  "If that last 4 hours was hard, what the heck is tonight going to feel like?"



By the time my tent was up, it was soaking wet inside and out and totally covered in mud.  I'm not normally the precious princess type but I looked at it and thought, "You can't seriously expect me to sleep in there?"  There was a large puddle inside and wet mud smeared up the walls.

The porters are amazing and as soon as I thought it, I instantly felt ungracious.  These guys work their butts off for us for only a few measly dollars a day.  It's not their fault the weather is miserable.  They are hammering metal pegs into the hard frozen ground with rocks without any gloves on their hands and I'm complaining about the mud.

Arriving at Kibo Hut to sign in

Signing the register at Kibo
One of the guys saw the look on my face.  He got inside, mopped it up for me, gave me a smile as he took my bag and placed it inside encouraging me in after it.  I was so grateful, "Asante Sana (Thank you so much)" to which he replied, "Karibu (Welcome)" and went to help some other complaining hiker who needed their zipper fixed.  I was exhausted.  I organized my gear for the summit that night and then rested until we were called for lunch. I could have fallen asleep if I wasn't so hungry.  Whoever said altitude suppresses appetite is wrong!  I was ravenous the whole time.  

And the food was really good.  Our cooks were genius.  I still can't figure out how they did it.  Our dining tent was beautifully set for every meal.  The attention to detail was impressive.  This was not "roughing it".  This was ultimate camping.

To be continued...

Conquering Kilimanjaro Part 1

I don't know where to begin.  I just better start writing because there's just so much to say.
Standing on the roof of Africa at 5895m

I returned home to New Zealand on October 23rd after three weeks in Tanzania and a week stopover in Hong Kong.  I wasn't ready to come back, my heart remained in Africa.

It was a life changing journey and I'm struggling to find the words to express how the experience affected me.  There was the fact that I successfully climbed Mount Kilimanjaro!  I did it.  I climbed the world's highest free standing mountain!  I made it to the roof of Africa!

That experience alone was life changing.  I came down from that mountain really KNOWING who I am.  I felt invincible and a deep connection with myself at my core.  I have never felt so strong or so centered.

Something powerful happened to me on the night of the summit.  The climb leading up to Kibo was relatively smooth and easy.  The final climb before Kibo was short (just 4 hours) but tough due to the altitude rising from 4000 to 4700 meters.  The first 4000 meters were a piece of cake!  The only evidence of altitude was a sense of giddiness and perhaps a mild headache, but nothing major.  Going up to 4700 meters was where the true effects took place.  Everything was an effort and irritability was setting in.  Breathing was a struggle.  I drew within myself to preserve any energy I had.  I took this video on day 3 when I was feeling "normal" but which I now recognize as mild giddiness.



I traveled to Africa on my own to join up with a group of others to summit Kilimanjaro together.  If you've read my previous posts (see "Fun in FUNdraising"), you'll know that my year has been consumed by fundraising and training.  I let my business slide.  I let my friendships slide (lucky for me my friends were incredibly supportive).  I was totally focused on getting myself to Africa and getting to the top of that mountain!

Article from 2002
I contacted the media and shared my story with as many people as I could.  I wrote articles and submitted them to magazines, newspapers, local television and radio stations.  I started to spread the message of awareness.  It had been over 10 years since my last public speech about cancer when I was living in Canada.  I used to love speaking and spreading the message of hope.  This rekindled that inspiration within myself again.  I worked most nights until 2am, chasing up leads, writing, filling out applications and thinking of different ways to fundraise.  I've never worked so hard in my life!




My friends and clients were my main supporters.  Through them I managed to raise enough to pay for the flights and the expenses for the climb.  Local Kiwi businesses donated clothing and gear and gave me discounts on whatever else I needed.    I pretty much needed everything. My hard work was paying off.  I also had to raise $2,500 for the charity I'd be climbing with but I told them I'd have to finish my fundraising when I returned to New Zealand.  The diamond ring I had hoped would sell at auction didn't go.  I have to come up with a Plan B.

A generous client (who shall remain anonymous) offered me an interest free loan to cover any additional costs while I was away.  I was set and very blessed to have people put so much faith in me.  I have never let money stop me from following a dream and they knew that.

And now here I was living another dream, climbing a mountain that just 9 months earlier I thought was impossible.

To be continued...

Sunday, September 08, 2013

Once A Diva, Always A Diva

I am leaving for Africa in 11 days.  Time has accelerated and I feel like I'm getting sucked into a vortex heading into another dimension.  That's probably not too far off the mark.  This experience is going to be life changing and I'm going to be a totally different person when I come down off that mountain, almost like a re-birth.

With my two awesome girlies after the show on my b-day!
Last week I was a Diva.  I participated in an amazing production held here in Tauranga called Tarnished Frocks and Divas.  A show that inspires women over the age of 40 to continue to challenge themselves, create new goals and to be a positive influence.  

I first saw the show two years ago when I was working as Front of House.  It was the first time I'd heard of it and I was so inspired, I knew I wanted to be part of the next show (it's only on every two years).  I auditioned for an acting role but I really wanted to be a model and wear the incredible garments.

I was offered the choice - and I chose to be a model.  Given everything else I have on my plate this year, I thought that modeling would be enough.  For the next 6 months we met once a week learning how to walk.  Seriously, it's not as easy as you might think.


I knew that this experience would help me rediscover 'Tracy Pepper'.  Since coming to New Zealand I have become a shrinking violet.  I lost my confidence and my purpose when I stopped public speaking.  No one seemed to want me to share my story so I stopped asking.  I didn't realize that by not telling my story, I was losing my connection with myself and with others.  I started to develop a stutter and a fear of public gatherings.  I felt judged and insecure.  I felt deeply rejected and started becoming afraid and intimidated by people.  I didn't realize that it was because I was utterly disconnected from the essence of WHO I AM.  I was lost.

Yet I didn't have the desire to return to Canada.  I knew I belonged here. I just needed to find the right sort of people.  What I experienced was a Kiwi phenomenon called Tall Poppy Syndrome, where anyone who is unique or stands out from the rest are brought down to "normal".  There's that word again.  I will NEVER be normal.  Tall Poppy Syndrome is a passive aggressive form of bullying where the aggressor simply ignores you or makes subtle negative remarks in order to make you feel bad about yourself for wanting to shine.  They often are deeply insecure and feel threatened by you because you have something they don't have.  The more aggressive "bullies" will actually try to steal your ideas and make them their own in hopes to be more like you.  The end result is that you feel irrelevant and confused by what's happening and feel more alone than ever.

Coming from Canada where I felt encouraged, supported and celebrated for being a self motivated and unique individual, to suddenly being rejected for my gifts and talents was really hard on my ego.  I even had an accountant "friend" who worked for the Port of Tauranga.  She told me I inspired her and that she wanted to be more like me.  I would share my business ideas, using her as a sounding board.  She was always a great listener.  She never once told me that she was thinking of starting up a business too.  Then one day I saw her handing out brochures at a women's expo.  I thought she was working for someone else.  She had started her own business using my 5 year plan with her own "spin" on it.  Seriously?   I was dumbfounded and I was deeply hurt.  It changed the way I shared with others.  I became a shell of who I was, lacking faith and trust in others.  But it turned me inward, looking for that faith and trust within myself and in God.  I learned not to share so much.  So everything happens for a reason.  A journey of discovery... and learning who to trust.

I don't think Kiwis even realize what they're doing when they dim another persons light.  

The good news is that it's beginning to change.  People are becoming more aware of TPS (Tall Poppy Syndrome) and embarrassed to hear that it happens in this beautiful country.  

Being a Diva helped me find myself again.  It also connected me to some amazing women who were on their own fabulous journey of discovery.  I found a sisterhood of inspiring and open souled women.  Where have they been hiding all this time?  

Each week we walked together to music, in silence, wearing high heels and dressed in our Sunday best.  We were slowly becoming Divas.  Gradually we got to know each other on a first name basis but we didn't know what each other did or much about any ones personal lives until months later.  But we were a team and you could tell - we never let the team down.  Each one of us turned up for practice every week without fail.

Team 2 - Modeling Italy

There were three teams of Models.  The Past Divas - from previous shows, Team 1 and Team 2.  I was in Team 2.

The story line of this years show happened to be called "A Fabulous Journey of Discovery".  The stars; Jackie Clarke - a New Zealand actor, singer, entertainer & comedian and Annie Crummer actor, singer/songwriter;  two amazingly talented women who took this show to new heights.   Jackie played a time traveling "fairy godmother" who was out searching for the next True Diva.  Annie played a cleaning lady at Tauranga airport who was absolutely bewildered when Jackie pronounced her the next Diva.  They bounced off one another, improvising and having a whale of a time out there.  They were downright hilarious.  But they sang like angels, making your hairs stand on end and shivers run down your spine.  

Together they traveled the world along with their flight crew - the Yellow Birds - to understand just what made a woman a Diva through their essence, truth, j'oir du vive and impeccable sense of style. 

Writer/Director Vanessa Byrnes was inspired to write this script based on the primal movement up the chakra system, starting at the base and rising up through the crown.  She was wonderful to work with as her vision slowly became a reality for all of us in the show.  Vanessa asked us to say YES and to trust the process, even if we couldn't see where it was taking us.  I loved that. 

In hair and make-up
The question we have been asking is, "In an ever changing world where we all look very different, what is unique, what is essentially fabulous, and what links us all?"  We've gone on the hunt for qualities and virtues that connect us all.  As you watch this show, you will journey through the embodiments of selected, special gifts in different countries, given by women from the Great Pantheon of Divas.

A sense of adventure is a must for any trip, and for this fantastic journey of discovery our talented team of designers, performers, models, musicians and technicians have been pushing further into retro, revamped and reworked as we showcase and interpret the Diva style through fashion, art, music, dance and accessories.
Italy make-up

A little different each show
 The show began with an open designer section where fashion designers had an opportunity to create a garment out of men's pre-loved suits and transform them into a creative and contemporary outfit. 

The first stop on Jackie and Annie's journey - Africa.   The Primal Earth Diva - the virtue of TRUTH, representing Mooladhara - the base chakra which represents survival.  The scene begins with drums, African chanting and tribal dance.  What a powerful start to the show.   You can practically feel the Mooladhara awaken!

Next stop, Italy.  The passionate diva- the virtue of SENSUALITY.  Swadhisthana Chakra in the pelvis and ruled by our reproductive  system. This could only be inspired by Sophia Loren.  This was our debut as Team 2 Models.  It was a haunting catwalk as we floated along in dimly lit blue light with a very slight secretive smile.  Our face masked in white make-up and our hair covered in a white net.  Apparently this was the most powerful modeling scenes of the night.  I wore a long white satin gown made from vintage fabric and a gorgeous long sleeved netted overlay with silver leaves hand sewn around the collar.  I felt like a princess in that dress.  My character was "the virgin bride".

Our haunting Italy walk down the catwalk

Then onto Japan and the Stylish Diva who knows her own style - the virtue of PEACE.  Manipura Chakra, the solar plexus representing our "gut instinct" and willpower.  Our Diva choice - Yoko Ono.

(In between the modeling, there is lots of dancing, singing, and comedic work to entertain the audience.  I'm just writing this from my own backstage experience.)

Meanwhile backstage we are scrambling to get ready for our next walk - having our hair and make-up changed.  I had to get it all done in 12 minutes so I could be out and ready to get on stage in character as Miss American Graffiti!  I was Roller Girl - and totally in my element.

The next stop on the journey was USA - the Sexy Diva with the virtues of FAITH & TRUST.  This is Anahata - the Heart Chakra. And the only Diva for the job is of course - Marilyn Monroe.  This was such a fun act - our costumes were very animated and creative.  We were true characters and had to use our shining effervescent personalities on the catwalk to bring our outfits to life.   It wasn't too far of a stretch for me - I just reconnected with myself 25 years ago when I would roller skate around the neighbourhood.   All those years of gum chewing and bubble blowing paid off.  The crowd loved it!




Loving every minute of it!

Then there was England and the Warrior Diva - the virtue of STRENGTH.  The Chakra here is Vishuddhi - at the throat which transcends both ourselves and others.   Our Warrior was Bodicea.   This was the Junior Designer Award who were asked to take the theme "Underwear for Outerwear" and transform petticoats into a unique modern women's outfit for the diva of today.

Next, India.. the Compassionate Diva - the virtue of CHARITY.   Reaching up towards the Ajna Chakra in the centre area of our mind, where intuition lies.  I loved this act as it reflected on one of my idols, Mother Theresa who was so NOT a diva but at the same time was, in her own right, what you could consider diva-like because she had a mind of her own and didn't care what anyone thought - she remained true to her calling.

And then finally we journey right back to New Zealand where the Authentic, Grounded Diva hails - the virtue of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  Of course this is Sahasrara/Crown Chakra which represents a fully liberated soul.  This was our final (and my favourite) appearance on the catwalk as we pranced with confidence and pride to Kimbra's song - Good Intent.  I wore a tablecloth which was revamped into a handpainted poncho, my skirt was a shirt and the sleeves made into leg warmers.  I just loved it.  I called this outfit the "East Cape Cowgirl".


So if you didn't get to see the show, this was a short synopsis of what you missed.  But you missed so much more.  The technical aspect of the show was outstanding.  The reviews said that it was good enough for Broadway (off Broadway perhaps) and we rival Wellington's Wearable Arts.  

I have to give Kudos to Robyne Dowdall and Debra Laraman who designed all of our fabulous costumes.  They are not only talented, but they are just stunningly beautiful women both inside and out.   Another Kudos goes out to Jo Page - who has been involved with this show from its inception as a model and who worked with us "novice models" to help us walk with grace, poise and confidence.

Our Associate Director, Marilyn Collins-Smith (who was also the fierce sword fighting Bodicea) did a brilliant job creating the vision.  She had a lot to do, organizing 100 women who all threw in their own opinion about how things should go.  She handled us beautifully.

The Producer - Denny Spee who has been involved with TF&D from the beginning.  She's a true DIVA.  What a woman!

And I can't forget our Stage Manager, Bronwyn-Anne Lightbody (Bronny for short).  She's fierce like a lion but has the heart of a kitten.  She's efficient, forthright, effective and has a surprising sense of humour.  Just don't chew gum around her.  ;)

And to all the other performers in the show - too many to mention individually.  The dancers - you were especially amazing!  The Yellow Birds who held the show and worked alongside Jackie and Annie to wow and captivate the audience.  The whole production team!  AMAZEBALLS - all of you.

The hair and make-up team who worked tirelessly behind the scenes in the dungeon... and all the backstage crew.  If if wasn't for these people, nothing would have run smoothly... in fact nothing would run at all.

And Jackie Clarke and Annie Crummer who I never properly met but who told me I was gorgeous every time I walked past them and who shared the stage with all of us in a very "non-divalike" manner.  You made this experience amazing.  You are great role models and we were so blessed to work alongside you both.

Regardless of the outstanding reviews, the show was a success because it transformed ordinary women into extraordinary divas.  I don't think any of us will ever be quite the same - in the very best way.  

The perfectionist Diva - re-shaping her lips.
Personally, this experience helped me find my playful and creative side in a year that has been perhaps one of the biggest years of my entire life.  It has given me the confidence I needed to go on this trip to Africa and climb Kilimanjaro.  It may sound silly - because I'm not going to Africa to be a Diva.  Being a Diva has awakened something deep inside of me... a part of myself I lost a connection to.  Now I feel complete. My chakras have been balanced and awakened.  I am radiating energy out of
Sahasrara as a fully liberated soul!
To be afraid of dying is to be afraid of living - it's kinda the same thing.   ~Tracy Pepper
But for now, this Diva is trading in her heels for hiking boots.  The Fabulous Journey of Discovery continues... 

Once a Diva, always a Diva