Educating Africa

Someone challenged my motivation for helping the people of Africa yesterday. I could see where he was coming from, there are a lot of scams and corruption. Kind people are taken advantage of all the time. I know because I've seen it, and it's happened to me... a lot.  Yet, I continue to give and learn who to trust.

I was also contacted yesterday by someone from Zimbabwe, living in New Zealand, who wants to join with me to send computers and educational supplies and then go over to help the people in Africa become independent entrepreneurs, giving them the knowledge required to help themselves. 

The question is this: The more we help Africa by sending them stuff for "free", are we creating a society of expectant entitlement? Are we helping them or are we adding to the problem? We discussed it and I've thought about it a lot, many hours in meditation and reflection on my personal experiences and this is the message I'm getting: 

It's crucial to act when you feel compelled to help but don't do anything blindly, be conscious.  Know the ones you are investing in so they will remember the kindness in your eyes and in your smile and the energy that you bring. You give them hope which is what they need. When something is done out of love, the reward will flourish and that's how lives are transformed. It's the concept of paying it forward... if good things are done for you, you will do good for others. By investing in a child's education, you are giving them an opportunity to grow, evolve and expand. When a child knows the person giving them this opportunity, it motivates them to work harder. Trust this.

The photos here are the Maasai girls that the Nuns of Kisikahaba have taken in to be given an education and a chance of a future, otherwise most of them would have been sold at the markets as young brides or housegirls (a modern term for slave).  Their future, to become one of many wives of a Maasai warrior and to produce as many boys as possible to herd the family cattle and goats.  The Maasai people are not cruel, they are simple and merely ignorant, as this is how they've survived for centuries.  But they are struggling and now resort to selling their daughters in desperation.  By educating the parents on the value of educating their children, we are helping them to preserve their culture through freedom and expression.  In our world today, education is the only way forward. 

The Western World, particularly North America, is addicted to "stuff" and they have more than they know what to do with.  Second hand charity shops are overflowing, unable to take in any more.  They send excess unwanted items blindly to Africa and third world countries around the world where the items end up in corrupt hands and are sold to the poor.  This is disgraceful.  It's no wonder people have lost faith in these charity shops as there is nothing charitable about contributing to corruption.  This is what happens when people "do good" unconsciously.

I chose to do something about it.  I invested my time and effort and did my research.  I built relationships with trustworthy people, found worthy charities to invest in and learned first hand how I could improve their lives.

I've never met children so hungry for a chance at life. When I think of entitlement I don't think of African children, I think of Westernized children. I believe this is our chance to help the next generation change corruption and greed. I know them and I have seen the hearts of these young ones. I believe this is why large charities fail, because so many have lost the grassroots connection. The only way I can continue this work is by continuing to love and care about the children whose lives I am determined to change and the families who need the most hope. 

Unfortunately I need money to do this work... and that's the biggest hurdle. I can't do it alone either. I have a team of angels helping but without funding, we can only go so far. I have faith it will all work out as it's meant to which is why I must remain detached from any outcome but very conscious of my role.

There are certainly projects closer to home, in the Pacific Islands that could use my help as well.  I don't think I chose Africa in particular, but rather, Africa chose me.

The small part I played was an incredible experience and I helped so many people. That's good enough for me... for now. If my mission in Africa is meant to continue, God will find a way.

 ‪#‎charity‬ ‪#‎Africa‬ ‪#‎education‬ ‪#‎heforshe‬ ‪#‎purpose‬ ‪#‎followyourdream‬ ‪#‎HelpUsHelpThem‬ ‪#‎giving‬ ‪#‎love‬ #consciousconnection 
 
Namaste & God Bless

Yesterday a Cloud, Today a Tree

Five years ago I completed my training for a not for profit organization called "Growing Through Grief" - an organization that supports children through loss, separation, divorce and death.

As I was flipping through my old journals and notes, I came across something I wrote after the training.

Firstly we were asked to cut out a picture of an object that accurately describes you.  I immediately wished I was a tree but I cut out a picture of a cloud instead.

The clouds from the top of Kilimanjaro

Clouds are free moving. 
They go where the wind blows them.  
They constantly change.  
They are fluffy & pretty but, 
they can become black and angry.  
They provide shade when temperatures soar
They can also pour down on those who sought shelter in the first place.
They are unpredictable, ominous, shifting & fascinating.

(I think that's a pretty accurate description of me.)

Oh how I wish I were a tree!

 We were learning about the symptoms of grief in a child:

• Stomach pain
• Trouble sleeping
• Bed wetting
• School phobia...

I interrupted... explaining to the group that those were all signs of serious illness too. I was upset that no one recognized that.

As we carried on, I began to wonder why that triggered such a reaction in me. Then I realized that I never had support to deal with my grief as a child. 

I then wondered... could I have manifested my grief into CANCER??   Studies prove this is possible and Oncologists believe that most cancer is caused by stress.  But it was a revelation to me and the penny dropped.  I'd never thought of it that way.

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 10, it was advanced stage 3. I was in so much pain for years but learned to block it out and developed an extremely high tolerance to it because no one believed me.  We all have the ability to block out pain, especially if you think it's all in your head.

I miraculously survived my ordeal, but I wasn't just left with physical scars. The emotional scars and trust issues remain to this day, and they run deep.  I still work on them in therapy. 

More upsetting still, is that our family doctor should have recognized the symptoms of grief, yet did nothing.  Instead, she told my mom I needed more attention.  She didn't do any tests.  She didn't check my bloods.  She didn't even ask me to lie down to palpate my abdomen (in which case she would have felt the mass growing on my ovary).  She just sent me home, making me feel like I was wasting everyone's time.  I had ALL of those symptoms listed above, except the school phobia. I loved school, but the doctor assumed I had school phobia because I was always complaining about not feeling well.

I was a quiet child. I was the sort of child who learned to entertain myself, staying clear of the drama that my family thrived in at the time.  We didn't have a dad around.  My mom had an emotional breakdown just after I was born.  I was sent to live with relatives for the first 6 months of my life.  I didn't bond with my mom as a result.  

I was the youngest of 5 and I always felt like I was in everyone's way.  I kept to myself.  

I recall being told to shut up if I laughed too loud with my friends.  Granted, my siblings were teenagers (and teenagers can be assholes) and I was their annoying little sister... but still.  I was extremely sensitive and I took everything to heart. Deep down, I just wanted them to like me and care about me.  I lived in my own world.  There are very few photos of me smiling in photos before the age of 10.  

I was a very lost, very lonely and very sad child.  I wanted my dad and I didn't feel safe with my mom, not because she was horrible.  She was just not emotionally available, she was going through her own grief which I only learned much later in life.  I wanted someone to make me feel loved and safe.  I didn't want to feel like a burden or like I was not wanted.  I needed love and protection.  It took me a lifetime to learn to give that to myself.

Years later, I blamed the cancer for my grief, but could it be possible that it was the other way around? What if the grief and other factors (this is when the subject of which emotions affect different organs in the body comes into play) created the cancer? 

I believe that everything happens for a reason.  Having cancer puts life into perspective. I didn't turn to alcohol to numb my pain despite the fact that I experienced so much grief and disappointment.  Having cancer, going through chemotherapy and being on so many drugs as a kid made me want to look after my body later in life, not abuse it with alcohol and recreational drugs.  I like being conscious and awake, not numb to feeling things that hurt me emotionally.  I also learned to be resilient. I was born to be a survivor.

I learned to handle the disappointment of my dad leaving when I was three, and only seeing him once a year, always on his terms, for just a few hours.  This might explain how I "get over" relationships quickly... Or perhaps it's simply because I was born with my moon in Aquarius which means I can easily detach from emotion.  Is it who I am or the result of my upbringing?  I think it's both. I try not to be callous about it, but detachment is a healthy way to keep emotions in check, and I try to get on with life when things come to an end.  With every ending, there's a new beginning... and I love new beginnings. 

Most of the disappointments I've had in love relationships was caused as a result of the lack of a relationship I had with my father.  Sometimes I was the toxic partner, sometimes I chose emotionally unavailable men, and sometimes we were both toxic.   I never knew how to accept or feel safe with men, no matter how much they claimed to love me.  For most of my life, I found it hard to believe, because I didn't learn to love myself for a long long time.  Even as I write this today, I'm still learning to love myself.  I'll spend my whole life learning.

I learned that no matter how much you love someone, you can't change them, they must have to desire and awareness to want to change themselves. If they aren't self-aware and won't change toxic behaviours, it doesn't mean they don't love you. You can love someone but recognize they are not healthy to be around. Sometimes you need to walk away from people you care about so that you can focus on loving yourself or give them space to learn to love themselves.  Love is not easy, but the older I get, the more I realize how much we need it.  Life is sweeter when you love and are loved in return.

I have a very different relationship with my family today. Hindsight is 20/20.  We were all surviving our own reality of  an upbringing with a single mom.  We raised ourselves and we all have very different perspectives on the environment we grew up in.  Luckily for us, our mom had a strong value system, she gave us adult responsibilities from a young age and that taught us some pretty valuable survival skills.  She was not perfect, but no parent is.  It's up to you to learn the lessons you need from your upbringing in order to function as an adult in the world.  All five of us turned out alright, we learned a lot from our childhood, and looking back, we were pretty darned blessed and I'm so lucky I had them to learn from.

 

Today I am less of a cloud and more like a tree.

I am stable with my roots grounding me to the earth.
I provide stability for others to rest their weary wings.
I stand tall and proud for everything I've accomplished.
I bend with the wind rather than shift with it.
I grow stronger with age.
I have purpose, even if I don't bear fruit.
I absorb the negative and I emit the positive.

What a difference five years makes. I can't wait to see how wise I'll be in 10 years.

Haiku

The tree stands alone

Waving it's branches with pride

At nature's beauty