Full Circle with the Super Moon

I've just had a powerfully spiritual and creative weekend to celebrate the Winter Solstice and the Super Moon.

For those of you who aren't aware, the name "solstice" literally means 'sun stands still' and marks the longest night and shortest day of the year.   This is a sacred time of reflection and celebration. It’s a time to turn inward and reassess our connection to our spiritual side and life purpose. We are also encouraged to reflect on the shadow side of our personality so it can be acknowledged, transformed and healed. Symbolically, it’s a time for letting go of the old to allow the new to emerge and to set goals for the coming year. This is the perfect time to nurture and balance the spiritual, physical and emotional aspects of ourselves so we can be symbolically reborn and transformed from inner darkness into light.

I attended a workshop called Eat, Move, Make which was organized by my dear friend Emily Mowbray from Wild and Grace.  She pulled together a few of her favourite things - food, yoga, writing and pottery and hosted a creative workshop.

I wasn't sure what to expect and I wasn't even sure I was up to it.  Socializing has been a struggle for me as I've become quite introverted.  I was anxious at the idea of spending a whole day with a group of people I didn't know.  A lone hike seemed like a better (and less fearful) idea.  I'm so glad I got out of my comfort zone and allowed myself to be publicly vulnerable.

The day started with a group circle, introducing ourselves and using a word that describes what our passion is.   I started.  My word was "Connecting" - with others and myself... mostly with myself these days.

As we went around the circle,  our words all intermingled and "connecting" was a common thread.  For some, their passion was connecting with their families and children, for others it had to do with creative arts.  Thirteen women in total, all wanting to connect.

We were then asked to find our place on a yoga mat where we were taken through a traditonal yoga session with  the beautiful Kristen Borchardt.  Kristen guided us through the asana postures slowly, allowing us to connect to our breath and the chakra energies that we were awakening.  It was a powerful session, releasing deep emotional tension.  Kristen had a way of knowing how to draw out the ghosts hidden deep in our soul.   I felt tears trickle down my cheeks, I didn't even know I was crying.  I just allowed them to flow, cleansing and detoxifying as my mouth curled into a satisfying smile.

We enjoyed a cup of tea and piece of cake before our writing workshop which was facilitated by Miss Emily herself.  She ran us through a series of fast thinking writing activities.  Our first assignment, to write a Haiku.  The last time I wrote a Haiku was 23 years ago - in 10th grade English.  As our creative writing flowed, Emily asked us to write a Gratitude List, something about who we admire, what we would do if we knew we couldn't fail (she got the inspiration for that off the back of my toilet door where I have a poster that asks that very question), and a story about gardens.

I'll share one of my assignments.  I wrote a poem about Gardens (which we had two minutes to write).  My inspiration came from the myriad of gardens I've walked through on my travels.   I love gardens.

As I wander through the foreign foliage
I imagine I am someone else
From a time and place when fairies frolicked
Amongst the dahlias

I am a Royal Queen
Ruler of many, but alone in this place
Imagining I am a commoner
Pretending the flowers are people
Where I am invisible and happy

And then I realize,
How lucky I am
To be both
Queen of my world
Loved by so many

Emily invited us to take a seat in the streaming sunlight at a beautifully set table with fresh flowers and grandma's china.  It felt like Thanksgiving - and gave us all a reason to be grateful.   Our  vegetarian lunch was lovingly catered by The Red Apron.   As if knowing it might be a challenge, topic cards were strategically placed at the table encouraging us to find someone with the same star sign or someone who can juggle.  It instantly lifted the energy in the space, combined with the beautiful organic food and the warm sunshine.  We ate and refueled our ghost-less souls.

Our final activity of the day was a pottery class with the talented Heidi Borchardt who owns an art studio in the Mount.  We were working with clay - and I'm not especially artsy or creative and with limited time I wondered how on earth I'd create anything at all.   I wanted to make an urn.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust and all that.  I thought a clay urn would be really cool.  As I began to mold the clay, I realized that an urn was too ambitious for my first go with pottery.  I wound up playing it safe and made a bowl - for my cat Karma.

As we were wrapping up I realized just how much I needed a day like this.  Surprisingly, the pottery class was my favourite part of the day as it was something I wouldn't think of doing.  It was meditative and it got me out of my head - which is a place I spend most of my time, being a writer and all.  It reminded me that I used to be creative.  I loved crafts and creating things.  That stopped when I moved to New Zealand for some reason.   So did my skill at connecting with others.

My old friends would describe me as outgoing and friendly.  My new friends would describe me as quiet and enigmatic.    I've changed.  I've gone from being "out there" to being "in there".    A beautiful cycle.  A balanced life.  It all came crystal clear to me in the yoga session.  I've come full circle.  I went from being a shy, quiet little girl who blossomed into a confident, bright young lady.  Do you know what changed me?  Cancer.  Having cancer gave my life purpose.   I grew up fast and I understood life in a very different way than most people.  I came to New Zealand when I was at my peak of confidence, public speaking and sharing my story.  I was a cancer celebrity.   I was fearless and believed the world was my oyster.  I was full of love and felt loved by the world.  But when I left Canada for New Zealand, I came to a different world where no one knew me.  No one wanted me to share my stories.  I was rejected by the organizations that embraced me.  I also didn't want to be defined by "cancer".  I needed to see what it felt like to live in a world where no one knew my story.  So instead of fighting to be seen, I decided to let that part of myself go.  Slowly my light began to fade as my purpose was lost.   I was invisible just like I was when I was a child, lost amongst the chaos.   I've always been afraid of the dark.   In recent months there has appeared well lit path laid out for me to follow.   As I follow this path, the light gets brighter and my fears are lifting.  My confidence is improving as I once again begin to share my story with people.  I realize just how much the world needs to hear stories of hope and miracles and inspiration... just as much as I need to spread them.

Full Moon Party

Full circle.  28 years.  That's how long it takes for Saturn to circle the earth.   Saturn's effect is to crystallize, to ground, and to solidify.  Saturn's movement by transit acts to aid us to learn to depend on ourselves in different areas of life.  At first, we generally encounter feelings of being thwarted or unsupported by the outside world in the particular areas of life that are ruled by the house. By the end of the house transit, we will have learned to look within ourselves for support.

In general, as Saturn passes through the fire houses (the first, fifth, and ninth), we deal with self-confidence issues and how these issues have affected our lives and our productivity. Through the earth houses (the second, sixth, and tenth), we confront issues of self-worth and effectiveness. Through the air houses (the third, seventh, and eleventh), we evaluate our relationships with others and how much (or how little) we can depend on these, as well as our mental outlook. Through the water houses (the fourth, eighth, and twelfth), we re-evaluate our inner stores of faith, our connection with the past, and our psychological workings.

This is a time for building a solid foundation.   

How does one deal with Saturn Transits?  Understand that moderation at this point in your life is necessary for spiritual growth and your physical body as well. Avoid blaming others for where you are at now for extended periods of time (some self-pity, however, may be necessary in order to gather strength and the ability to depend on yourself, however)—doing this will only lead to feelings of melancholy and anger. Know that this period in your life, while temporary, is a time for learning about your personal limits as well as your inner strength.

So what better way to complete the day than at a full moon party, where the moon is at its closest to the earth all year, making it appear much larger and brighter than usual.    The Arty House  - with drums, fire and mulled wine.  The place made me think of my own parents who would have created a place like this if they had stayed together.  I thought of my mom and how vibrant she was and felt a pang of sadness that she lost her "connection".  Cancer changed her too, but in the opposite way it changed me.

Once again stepping out of my comfort zone, I picked up a huge drum and found my rhythm as I joined in with people who had clearly done this sort of thing before.  I closed my eyes and felt the love and the warmth of the people whom I'd never met.  We all seemed to come from somewhere else and there were a lot of solo stragglers, drawn to this special place for reasons we didn't discuss.  There was a knowing and a need to be together and not alone this night.   
  
With the full moon in Capricorn and the sun in Cancer, this is an emotional time of deep dreaming and strong feeling.  We are challenged to manifest our emotional and intuitive sides into physical reality in a positive way. 

Happy Winter Solstice Everyone.