Do Unto Others

Sometimes I crave an ordinary life.  I wish I could be content working a regular job earning a good consistent wage for a boss who gives me bonuses for my hard work and a work vehicle.  I wish I could be content doing the same thing day in and day out, hanging out with the same friends I've known from childhood.  I wish I could just be happy watching T.V. every night and going to bed and providing a safe haven for my cat.  I wish I was stable enough to have a dog.  That life sounds amazing doesn't it?  I know people who have lives like that!

But not me because that's just not who I am.  I am happiest when I'm independent, doing what I want, when I want.  I've found that the best chance at success is when you need to succeed to survive.  When I depended on others I never felt grounded.  It wasn't until the only choice I had was to survive, that's when I found my purpose.  For me success is about living a life of freedom and having enough money to sustain that freedom.  Finally, as I turn 40, I'm finally understanding who I am, what I need to do to be happy, and stop feeling pressure to be someone I'm not.

Since my return to New Zealand after climbing Kilimanjaro in September 2013, I've been unsettled.  I came back to the news that the home I lived in and ran my business from, which I had been renting for 8 years, was going on the market.  It sold within a month.  My routine and the life I'd become so accustomed to was about to change.

Somehow I knew it would change, even before I left for Africa.  I was comfortable and life was becoming a bit too easy.  I've never liked Easy Street.  That doesn't make me a drama queen, rather, I prefer a life with purpose.  My purpose is to help others.

My life has not been easy and for this reason I have the empathy and compassion for others. Growing up I wished someone would take the time to understand me.  I considered myself a good investment, if only someone would stop to help.  I recognise when another person feels that way and I know that I can be that person for them.  Do unto others what you would have done unto you.

My friends tell me that I inspire them.  They see that the things I do give me a meaningful and purposeful life.  My oldest friends have seen a major transformation from the sad and lonely girl with very little self belief and confidence to the woman I am today. Inner power and higher energy is guiding me.

So that leads me to the topic of God... and what God means to me.

My First Communion

I grew up Catholic and I went to a Catholic School until the age of 14.  I loved Jesus and I wanted to be a nun - until the age of 10 when I met Kevin Tremblay and from then on I knew I could never cut it as a nun.  It was also around that age that I recognised the hypocrisy in the people who attended church.  They weren't acting very Christian and I lost respect for the institution.

When I was 16 I attended Youth Group at the local Pentecostal Church.  I enjoyed the fun activities, there wasn't a lot to do as a teenager in the small town I grew up in. I much preferred doing fun stuff in a safe environment than hanging out with people who were getting drunk and stoned.  I also liked that the Pentecostal chuch had a live band - very progressive compared to the traditional and predictable mass at Catholic Church.  But gradually the fun turned into pressure, expectations and rules to abide by.  The pastor would call the youth to the front to pray over us while the adults watched.  I didn't like being watched and I felt like I was a failure if I wasn't overcome by the Holy Spirit.  This meant that you spoke in tongues or you fell over in a dramatic heap on the floor.  I remember once thinking that I could open my mouth and make something up but I was afraid everyone would know that I was full of shit.  I attended Performing Arts School so it was an opportunity to perform for the adults, but I never did it.  Eventually I stopped going to church altogether.

I don't buy into "religion" as it's just a lot of propaganda created by man.  I started questioning my beliefs and I felt uncomfortable using the word "God".  To me, saying that word meant that I was religious and I wasn't... and I didn't feel comfortable associating myself with anything religious, including the word "God".  So I used the word, "Universe".

But I couldn't deny that "connection" I only seemed to find when I was in the quiet sanctuary of church. When I was in my early 20's, I found myself searching out answers in the Cathedrals of Europe.  I thought perhaps history would help me understand "religion".  I felt more of a connection (to that word I couldn't use) than I did without the energy from these historical buildings.  I could feel the old souls who worshiped there.  I also saw the grandeur and the cost that went into churches, the vast difference between rich and poor.  There was no question that these cathedrals were magnificent but they cost so much money, not just to build but to maintain.  Would God really want that?  No, I didn't think so.

On my travels around the world, I marveled at the beautiful architecture, museums, art, fashion... everything created by man.  When I went to New Zealand I found myself marveling at the scenery, the hills, the sea, the sky...  it was there, I reconnected with God on a new and different level.

I found myself once again searching for a church in my 30's, when I was raising the girls for those few short years.  As their "adopted mother", I felt it was my responsibility to instill values and teach them about God so that they could chose their personal belief later.  If they didn't get to know God, how could they make an informed choice?  Children have a natural wonder for their creator and they want clear answers.  I let them choose which church they felt most comfortable with - they chose Anglican.

I was looking for a community to explore faith and God with.  Church is not a place of exclusivity or judgment.  One should feel welcome to come and go as they please.

After my relationship ended and the girls were no longer part of my life, I continued to attend that church for another year or two but eventually I took a break, choosing to explore my spirituality through Yoga and Meditation.  A year later, one Sunday I decided to go back to that same church but I didn't feel warmly welcomed.  It had changed, and so had I, confirming that my time there ran it's course.

I will occasionally attend a church service but I don't have any desire to attend one church.  Jesus never prayed in one place.  He moved from town to town. All of the prophets were nomadic.  How else will they connect with people?  Some people need the consistency and the grounding of a community for support as they navigate their spiritual path, but maybe not forever.

I have a better understanding of who I am and for that reason I also have a better understanding of God - and what that term means to me.  I don't need a church building to connect to that unconditional feeling of love, although at times I feel myself drawn in to hear a sermon or sing gospel music to raise my vibration and to get a very specific answer to a burning question I may not even know I have been asking.  Plus, I enjoy connecting with people on a deep level and in the past I've found it was easier to find that sort of person at church.  I also feel this when I take a yoga class or attend a meditation workshop.  I am praying less and listening more.  I observe what that voice is trying to tell me and I am always ready for guidance to show me the direction I'm meant to go.   People call this intuition.  It's the deep inner knowing that you are trusting something that is bigger than you are.  Listening to that "gut feeling" that may not have any rational explanation.

Kind of like traveling across 6,000 kms to collect an indeterminate amount of clothing and supplies to take to Africa without any idea of HOW it will work out, but KNOWING that somehow it will and it will change my life.  That seems pretty crazy, but I did it.

Now I am here in East Africa, living in a community that is 70% Muslim.  These people are my friends, I respect them and they respect me.  There is something special about this place where Muslims and Christians live together, study together, work together and most importantly respect each others beliefs.  There is a unity of "one God" here... which doesn't make sense anywhere else.  But I am not anywhere else.  I am here and this is what I am exposed to.  I am learning that the world is not all the same.  Muslims are not all the same.  Christians are not all the same.  People are free to be themselves.  Freedom and kindness are my religion.

I'm not sure there is anything quite as special as a classroom of 8 year olds learning a lesson on "Respect and Manners".  Part of that lesson was learning how to "pray" and watching as the teacher asks the children to demonstrate how they pray.  The children eagerly raise their hands so that they can come to the front of the class and pray - to their God.  They may be Muslim or they may be Christian but it is understood that they are praying to one supreme essence, innocently and free.  We don't know what that looks like to each child, their vision might have a big white beard, or have dark skin resembling their grandfather, He may be a She, maybe a big brown cow, a white elephant with 5 trunks, or simply flickers of gold, or an Infinite Universe.  Or it might just BE whatever is inside their heart.

Children demonstrating how they pray in Moshi, Tanzania

One thing I have learnt is that God is different for all of us.  We are not meant to worry or concern ourselves with others individual paths on this earth or what their God looks like for them.  We are on our own journey, walking our own path.  Knowing the essence of who we are and what our purpose is for this short time while we are here to learn.  Our idea of God can evolve and change.  Let it be free to do so.

This is why it's important to never judge where someone is on their journey, because it is an evolution process which could take one lifetime or many lifetimes to alter their consciousness and awareness of their personal relationship to God.  Our purpose is knowing ourselves and in turn we will come to know God, the Universe, or simpler still, "LOVE".

This is how we will find peace on this earth.

I was Mary in my first grade Christmas pageant.

For Tanzania With Love

I am about to embark on my biggest charity mission yet.  Just when I thought climbing Kilimanjaro wasn't enough...

In two weeks time, I am flying from Auckland New Zealand to Vancouver Canada.  My mission is to drive across Canada to collect unwanted winter clothing to take to the Porters of Mount Kilimanjaro as I team up with Zara Charity.

Handing out nuts to the porters walking past.

I was inspired last year when I climbed Kilimanjaro.  The porters worked so hard, carrying triple or quadruple what we had to carry, the "essentials" us Western people need to be as comfortable as possible.  They carried very little for themselves.  I got to sleep in my own tent while they all slept together in one tent.  I noticed that many of them had shoes that were too big, had holes and I even saw one guy in Crocs!   Their jackets were thin and worn.  Many of them didn't wear gloves or mittens, hats or scarves.  And it gets really COLD on that mountain!

At Kibo Camp - it was sleeting and very cold!  I really felt for the guys who didn't have gloves.

They are expected to walk ahead of us, ensuring that our tents are set up and we have a hot meal upon our arrival.  Our meals are prepared by a qualified cook and are delicious, considering the limited facilities.  We eat like kings and they get the leftovers - if there are any.  They mainly exist on Ugali made from millet which is very filling, yet bland.  It's a favourite amongst Tanzanians.  They are also the last to leave, tearing down and cleaning up our "shit" (literally).  They work so hard and for very little reward.  They earn a meager wage - approximately $5/day depending on the company they work for (in some cases it's less than that) so they rely on tips they get from their group.

I went to Africa prepared.  I took along three extra winter ski jackets, merino long underwear and plastic eating utensils (spoon/knife, donated by Zespri for one of my fundraising events) to hand out.  On the last day, I gave away anything else I wouldn't need to a young porter aged 17 who was just starting his career.  He carried my pack down from Uhuru to Kibo Camp.  I ran down, sliding in the deep scree feeling almost weightless after carrying a 15kg pack for 5 days. He chased after me saying "Mama!  You're so fit!  How old are you again?"  He was shocked when I told him I was 39.  

I didn't have much money to give everyone a tip on top of the $300 we were all asked to give, which was evenly distributed to all the guides and porters.  Instead, I gave him all of my warm merino, a very warm and almost new ski jacket with removable lining and my All Blacks beanie which I knew he admired.  He got tears when I gave him the package.  He was so overwhelmed he didn't know what to say.

That left me thinking, "Such a simple gesture and made such a difference to one young man.... there has to be a way to do more".   Who has more winter clothing than anyone I know?  CANADIANS!

So began the process of this year's mission:

ONE MOUNTAIN AT A TIME  

From Vancouver to Toronto – In Support of Zara Charity  

Tracy Pepper was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the tender age of 10 and was not expected to survive.  Miraculously she did and she has devoted her life to charitable work in support of others.    

Inspired  

Whilst climbing Kilimanjaro, Pepper connected with the local African people who were under equipped and in need of warm clothing in order to support and help the thousands of Western people reach the summit of that treacherous mountain which hits lows in minus 20 degrees Celsius.   She donated her own personal items to a few of the porters who had very little.  That small gesture was all it took to spark the inspiration to appeal to her friends in Canada – to donate unwanted winter clothing for the Porters of Kilimanjaro.    

For Tanzania with LOVE The Objective   

To drive across Canada with an appeal to collect unwanted winter clothing – jackets, hats, gloves, boots, socks, thermal undergarments – as well as school supplies and children’s clothing for the orphanage and children of Tanzania.    

On September 4th, 2014 her journey will continue as she flies from Toronto to Kilimanjaro to work with Zara Charity on their numerous projects across Tanzania as well as helping to distribute the items collected to the people.  

Collecting:   

Lightweight warm winter jackets · Warm boots suitable for hiking · Dry wicking long underwear · Wool or fleece hats, gloves, scarves, etc. · School supplies – pens, pencils, notebooks · Digital cameras, electronic equipment (in working condition)  

Last year Tracy Pepper climbed Mount Kilimanjaro to raise awareness of Ovarian Cancer. She was given the African name “Pendo” by her new friends.  The name means “Love”.  Tracy teamed with Zara Charity from Tanzania who supports the porters as well as orphans and the community.         

I have been working tirelessly planning this, working with Zara Charity in Tanzania.  I climbed Kili through Zara Tours and got to know the owner, Zainab Ansell who is an inspiring and generous woman.  Her family give a lot to the community and they run a very successful multiple charity program from proceeds they earn.  I told Mama Zara that I wanted to help.

I will spend 2 months driving across Canada. I'm very blessed to know so many people who live along the route, which will cut costs tremendously, as my friends have opened their hearts and homes.

I am still working out the "HOW".  I've approached car rental and relocation companies and I'm still waiting for confirmation from anyone who would be willing to help.  Worst case scenerio, I pay for the cost of the trip entirely and hope for donations and a major sponsor to come forward.

I am not going to let money stop me.  It's just money after all, I've had no money before and I'm not afraid of having no money again. I refuse to let money stop me from achieving anything.

I have absolutely no idea how much I will collect along the way. It could be a car load, a truck load, a trailer load... or a semi load!  So the challenge will be to figure out how to transport the goods from Toronto to Tanzania.  If it's a few suitcases, an appeal for sponsorship to pay for the extra luggage will be in order.  If it's a container, then I'll be contacting shipping companies.  But I need to make a start.  This is the exciting part.  I'm not letting fear of the unknown stop me from trying, something I learned from climbing the world's highest free standing mountain last year.  I'm unstoppable.

I constantly tell myself:  One Mountain At A Time Tracy Pepper.  

I will then spend 3 months working with Zara Charity on projects with the Mount Kilimanjaro Porters Society, developing workshops for the porters and guides on financial management, sustainability, entrepreneurial skills, disease control, alcoholism.  I will spend a month at Highview Hotel where I will teach the staff massage and yoga.  It will be a great experience and life changing stuff.

Monica and Me

I am so excited to get back to Moshi, the small town close to Kilimanjaro.  I can't wait to see the kids at the Orphanage.  There was a special girl named Monica who remains in my heart.  She was so quiet and kept to herself but we connected.  She is 15 years old but is quite small for her age.  She suffered from a heart condition as a little girl and is very lucky to be alive.  I think her parents are both dead. HIV, AIDS and alcoholism are the main reasons the children end up in the orphanage. 

Monica and her school supplies

Before I left, I brought her a package of her very own school supplies.  She was so humble and shy and very very grateful.  I promised her I would come back.  I wonder how often those children hear those words uttered.  I am so glad I can keep my word.  I can't wait to see her face when I'm there as she comes back from school one afternoon and I'm waiting.

I won't return to New Zealand until December.  I will be taking almost 6 months off to pursue this dream.  All of my belongings are packed and stored until my return.  I will miss my cat Mac but I've found him a foster home in the interim.

Here I go... I'm about to climb my next "mountain".

If you'd like to help out with a donation, just click on the charity links above or below.  Give-a-little to help a lot.  I personally guarantee it.

Winners and Losers

I am not very good at idle chit chat, and it's getting worse as I get older.  I hate gossip.  Small minds talk about other people.  If you want to talk, let's talk about the issues that matter.  I want to hear about your passions and what drives you to want to make a difference.  We can even talk about the hurdles that life throws us, but please talk about the ways you can change them.  It's not easy listening to everything that's going wrong if you aren't willing to search for a solution to make it right.  Chances are, if you're talking to me then you're open to solutions, otherwise you don't know me very well.

If you feel the need to complain, I suggest you write about it.  If you are too embarrassed to go public with it, then it's probably not worthy enough a complaint.  Hopefully, that should put it into perspective for you.  Save your breath and don't waste other people's time and energy (unless they are a therapist) unless you're prepared to take advice from that person - in which case, choose the person you complain to wisely.  Better yet, stop complaining and focus your energy on doing something to change the situation.  That would be so much more productive.

I'm not saying I don't whinge and feel sorry for myself from time to time.  Everyone does.  It's human nature.  I'm the sort of person who will show up on a friend's doorstep with my pad of paper full of notes, to help categorize my complaints (just ask my friend Jacqui).  I have written an equal amount of solutions and options, as I have complaints.  If I don't have that pad of paper I stay home and write, or meditate to find a solution.  I'm lucky enough to have a handful of friends who know me well enough to know that I am not a serial complainer.  They are there to talk me through my options or make me a cuppa tea and listen (and laugh) at my crazed lists.  If you are lucky enough to have friends like this, cherish them, because if you become a chronic complainer, they will disappear from your life.  Tread carefully and respect their need for optimism.

 

Life will deal us a tough hand now and again, but you have to try to work with what you've been dealt.  Rearrange your cards, throw out a few that you don't want, pick up a few more.  Your aim is improve your chances of winning that round.  What happens if you do nothing?  If you don't play, you'll never win.  It's all a game of chance.  The good news is, it's just temporary.  The next hand could be a full house... a winner.  

Do you express your gratitude just as openly as you are willing to express your disappointment?  Sadly people often don't appreciate the winning hands.  

The problem with our society is that it has become unacceptable to feel euphoric about holding a winning hand.  We've become afraid of being labelled "egocentric" or "narcissistic" or "up ourselves".  So we feel the need to tip-toe around all the losers, so we don't upset the game (and spoil our chances of another winning hand).  Do you notice that the same people win and the same people lose?  It has nothing to do with luck.   

Occasionally though, winners often don't get invited back to play.

Here in New Zealand we call this Tall Poppy Syndrome.   I experienced it when I first arrived here 10 years ago.  I was offering myself to charities as a speaker, and an advocate for their cause.   I wasn't asking to get paid, I wanted to volunteer, so I couldn't understand why on earth no one was interested.  I was told, "Sorry, we already have someone in a paid position to do that."   After about 10 attempts with 10 different charities, I gave up.   It made me sad.  I have a gift and I wasn't given a chance to share it.

I was talking with a friend of mine from Ireland who had a difficult time finding work. Like me, she is a winner in life with a vibrant personality.  Sometimes I think that Kiwis feel threatened because if they hire a vibrant outsider with more experience than them, they fear they might have to "up" their game.  They don't have the confidence or belief that by inviting a winner to the game, it will challenge them to play better and to increase their own chances of winning.  Instead it seems, they want to keep the same cards and hope for the winning hand one day... which will never come.

We have forgotten how important it is to share winning - regardless of who won.  It's so important to celebrate when things are going well for someone, because it could be you next.  What good is winning if it can't be shared?  This is how we know what success is, and who our real friends are.  We are becoming a society of dissatisfied complainers who only talk about the bad cards we've been dealt, and feel disappointed when no one wants to listen.  Sadly, that's because there are so many others who are engrossed with their own losing hand.  Sometimes chronic losers set up "Pity Parties" where they all get together to talk about how life won't deal them better cards.  You will never find a single winner at one of these parties.

Winners know that this is a game, and everyone has the ability to choose different cards to better their odds.  I'll say it again - we forget that everything is temporary.  

Think about a real poker game.  You wouldn't go to a poker game, pull out the same cards from your pocket every week and sit there complaining that you never win.  That's just insane.  The most successful players turn up every week expecting to be challenged and filled with the enthusiasm that they are going to win the jackpot.  

What cards are you holding right now?  Take a good look at them.  You could be holding a winning hand and you don't even realize it.

Business Net-not-Working

Professional photo - age 22

I used to be shit hot at networking.  Back in the day when I owned Briarhill Massage Therapy in Toronto, Ontario.  I was only 23 years old but I belonged to one of the most prestigious Business Networking groups in the heart of the city - BNI Downtown Chapter.  Once a week a group of 40+ professionals met for breakfast, socialized, listened to each other speak about their business and then help each and every person in the group become a success.

The core members of that group still meet every week and if a space becomes available in a particular profession, it gets snapped up fast.  I miss that group.  I miss business networking in Canada period.

Here's how it works:  You get invited to a Networking Meeting.  Usually you go with the person who invited you and they introduce you to everyone and people are genuinely interested in knowing what you do.  If for some reason you go to these events alone, there is a person at the door greeting visitors who warmly introduces themselves and asks what you do and listens intently at what you tell them.  They then escort you into the room where everyone is already socializing and introduce you to either the most senior member of the group OR someone they think compliment your business who you'd get along with. Later that day, you get an email from the President of the group thanking you for attending and telling you how nice it was that you took the time to come and that they hope to see you again next week.  That's how it's done.  Business Networking was fabulous and friendly and a great way to do business. 

Until I moved to New Zealand...

I have been to a half a dozen different Business Networking groups and a number of Networking functions.  I hate to say this but Kiwis don't know how to network.  Their idea of networking is to meet for drinks with people they know and get "pissed".  I've gone to meetings where I've stood by myself, smiling, trying not to feel out of place as I eves drop on a conversation a group of others are having, pretending that I'm part of the group (which I am clearly not).  Or I've been to daytime groups where there's an element of cattiness, competitiveness and outright snobbery.  If anyone is in the natural health or alternative medicine scene, they don't speak to me.  In fact, I don't think anyone has ever asked me what I do for a living.  I've had to introduce myself and offer a business card stating that I am a massage therapist.  This makes me feel awkward as it's quite forward... but hey if no one is going to ask...  It rarely goes further than that.  No one asks what sort of massage I do or even how long I've been doing it.  I've even been rejected - people saying, "No thank you, I already have a massage therapist."  That is so demoralizing.  It's enough to give a girl a complex.

Let me tell you about the last networking experience I had.  I was invited to an evening where there were going to be some interesting guest speakers who were up my alley.  I was looking forward to it, especially since I had been invited by one of the speakers.  I arrived on my own and I was greeted with a glass of wine and asked to write my name on a sticker.  They were a friendly enough group but they were all pretty busy chatting with their mates.  People smiled but didn't step away from their group to introduce themselves or ask me who I was.  I worked my way to the finger foods.  I made small talk with a few others who were clearly lost too.  No one had any business cards to hand out and I felt awkward offering mine.  No one asked me what I did.  We just had awkward chit chat and then I tried to move on to mingle.  I made eye contact with one of the speakers who was standing on her own and I starting to walk toward her but she turned her back and starting talking to someone else.  So I stood in the middle of two conversations looking really uncomfortable with my nearly empty glass of wine.  I really wanted to leave at this stage.  Thankfully the speakers took the stage, we all took our seats and the rest of the evening was fine.  The speakers were great and I got a lot out of the event.  I sat beside a really friendly Maori lady who made smart remarks while the speakers were talking - she cracked me up.  But as the night ended and it was time to go, they handed out forms to join their group.  I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I don't want to be part of that sort of "clique".

I'm lucky to have a network of friends and a really good network of professionals OUTSIDE of the "social business networking" scene instead.  Some people in this town are so threatened by newcomers or people who are skilled at their craft.  I've spoken to a number of small business owners who have had to move to another larger city because they were literally pushed out by their competition.  There's no friendly support.  New Zealand is a small country, people seem to feel that they need to keep the business to themselves in fear that someone might take it from them.  Businesses don't really "refer" to each other here - unless they are completely different from their own profession.  But if anyone works in the healing industry for example, they don't often refer their clients to someone who might better serve their needs.  Instead they keep trying to treat them and in the worst case scenerio they lock them in to a treatment plan over many months just to ensure they don't leave.  This is of course a broad generalization... there are those who do refer and often are the type of people who understand the whole law of attraction.

I love living here.  I love my life.  I love my job.  I love the freedom I have.  I know I need to just keep doing what I love and give up on the wish that social networking is going to work for me here.  It feels more like a way for nosy people to see what you're up to so that they can try to copy your ideas because they haven't had enough worldly experience to come up with their own.  Harsh.  Maybe.  True though.  But in the end, only the strong survive.  It feels so cut throat. 

It's been a lesson for me to learn.  I'm so open about everything I do and what I want to achieve.  I wouldn't hesitate to share my ideas with friends.  I never once thought one of them would take my long term goals, add her own flavour to them and then start up her own business.  I wish her well, I really do.  But I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.  

She would come over with a bottle of wine and eagerly listen while I shared my ideas.  One day I saw a link to a website on facebook that she was somehow involved in.  I was gobsmacked when I realized it was her new business with all my ideas!  She hadn't even hinted to me that she was looking to start up a business.  She had no skills in the field whatsoever.  But she is an Accountant so she knows how to create a business and convince people to buy her service, regardless of her lack of knowledge about it.  So it's no wonder I'm happy to stay in my bubble right?

Living in the big city had it's perks.  In a place of 8 million, there was enough business for everyone.  I just wish people here could see that too.  Let's all help each other succeed.  That's what networking is all about. 

***  I wrote this article in 2011 but I never had the guts to publish it because I was afraid of what people might think and that I would be ostracized from the professional industry even more.  But since then many of the people and businesses I was talking about have left town (apart from the girl who stole my business ideas but she's targeting a completely different market).  I'm also happy to report that networking is improving here in New Zealand.  It may have to do with the fact that I'm socializing with an "older and more sophisticated" crowd but there's still an element of competition and tall poppy syndrome.  I guess that's what happens when you live in a small country.  I wouldn't go back to the big city for all the money in the world.  So I don't care if I don't network in a professional sense anymore!   Now I do personal networking which is much nicer anyway.  

The Adventures of Flat Stanley

Flat Stanley arrives!

I love facebook and how it connects us to people who you'd otherwise lose track of.  Thanks Mark Zuckerberg for inventing it. I'd wanted to invent it years before you but was not technologically advanced enough to know how.  

As a result I am connected to friends from childhood who consequently are probably some of my most supportive and closest friends.  Without facebook, I'm not sure I'd be able to travel and live on the other side of the world on my own.  I realize that's a big statement to make, but it's true.  

There have been months... even years when I've felt so out of place and alone.  I considered chucking in my dreams to return to the comfort of my support network, but I knew I'd be miserable if I turned back.  Besides, I don't know where I'd live.  My friends are scattered across Canada.  So I turned to facebook instead.  Hours and hours of chats with my friends from yesteryear remind me of who I am and where I came from without having to go back.  That's how I got through the lonely times.

And my friends live vicariously through me.  They have settled down and had families and they get to travel along with me.  Because we're all so connected, they feel like they are right there with me.  It's pretty amazing.  

FS in Paeroa

I've enjoyed traveling alone for this reason.  I can share my experiences on facebook and my friends comment on my photos and updates.  I'm not sure traveling alone would be quite as satisfying without their enthusiasm.

And now my friends children have become part of my support network.  All of these little people are getting enthusiastic about my travels.  So I send postcards and they marvel at how they got to their letterboxes.  I am motivated by the fact that I am creating future adventurers and explorers.  I am inspiring children to see the world when they grow up.  

This is how Flat Stanley came to me.  

My highschool friend Kelly has been showing her son Simon my facebook page since he was old enough to love computers (so from birth basically).  
 

Happy 8th Birthday Simon! 

Now Simon is about to turn 8 and his class is doing an assignment in Geography where the children have been asked to create a flat character out of paper and take it places, get a photo and then share it with the class.  They will all learn about where each character goes.

Simon asked if I could take his character - Flat Stanley - on some adventures with me.   I enthusiastically accepted the challenge!  

And so begins The Adventures of Flat Stanley!

With Stan Walker - winner of Australian Idol

With The Exponents - a great Kiwi band

I'm thrilled to see Flat Stanley so well received.  People just love him and I'm amazed at  how easy it is to ask people to pose with him for a photo.  It's revolutionary!  Why hadn't I thought of this?

Signatures

So far Flat Stanley has met some famous Kiwis...  Stan Walker,  The Exponents, Breaks C0-op and the All Black Sevens Rugby team.  He has also been invited to go on trips with other people.   He went to Melbourne and has been invited to India, Sri Lanka, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand and a few other places.  Lucky guy!  I wish I could flatten myself!

With DJ Forbes - captain of NZ AB 7's

With Tim Mikkleson

With David Raikuna

With Sam Dickson & Joe Webber

With Sherwin Stowers

With the coach Sir Gordon Tietjens

He even went to a Bruce Springsteen Concert at Mount Smart Stadium in Auckland New Zealand!  

 

And then I realize I AM Flat Stanley.  All these years of traveling and taking photos of myself around the world and posting them on facebook... I have been inspiring my friends to travel for years!  

And I travel much the same way as FS does... I rely on the generosity of strangers and new aquaintances I meet who extend invitations for me to stay.  I've met so many kind and wonderful people on this earth and now I have more friends than I can keep in touch with... I gave up sending Christmas cards years ago! 

Thank you Facebook.  I don't know what I'd do without you.  

So if you want to follow along on Flat Stanley's Adventures simply go to my facebook page One Mountain At A Time or click on this link which will take you directly to the album:  Adventures of Flat Stanley 

Check in frequently as more photos are being added all the time.

 Simon will be thrilled to know that his Geography assignment is inspiring people around the world to get off the sofa and start adventure seeking. 

Post by One Mountain At A Time.

Yesterday a Cloud, Today a Tree

Five years ago I completed my training for a not for profit organization called "Growing Through Grief" - an organization that supports children through loss, separation, divorce and death.

As I was flipping through my old journals and notes, I came across something I wrote after the training.

Firstly we were asked to cut out a picture of an object that accurately describes you.  I immediately wished I was a tree but I cut out a picture of a cloud instead.

The clouds from the top of Kilimanjaro

Clouds are free moving. 
They go where the wind blows them.  
They constantly change.  
They are fluffy & pretty but, 
they can become black and angry.  
They provide shade when temperatures soar
They can also pour down on those who sought shelter in the first place.
They are unpredictable, ominous, shifting & fascinating.

(I think that's a pretty accurate description of me.)

Oh how I wish I were a tree!

 We were learning about the symptoms of grief in a child:

• Stomach pain
• Trouble sleeping
• Bed wetting
• School phobia...

I interrupted... explaining to the group that those were all signs of serious illness too. I was upset that no one recognized that.

As we carried on, I began to wonder why that triggered such a reaction in me. Then I realized that I never had support to deal with my grief as a child. 

I then wondered... could I have manifested my grief into CANCER??   Studies prove this is possible and Oncologists believe that most cancer is caused by stress.  But it was a revelation to me and the penny dropped.  I'd never thought of it that way.

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 10, it was advanced stage 3. I was in so much pain for years but learned to block it out and developed an extremely high tolerance to it because no one believed me.  We all have the ability to block out pain, especially if you think it's all in your head.

I miraculously survived my ordeal, but I wasn't just left with physical scars. The emotional scars and trust issues remain to this day, and they run deep.  I still work on them in therapy. 

More upsetting still, is that our family doctor should have recognized the symptoms of grief, yet did nothing.  Instead, she told my mom I needed more attention.  She didn't do any tests.  She didn't check my bloods.  She didn't even ask me to lie down to palpate my abdomen (in which case she would have felt the mass growing on my ovary).  She just sent me home, making me feel like I was wasting everyone's time.  I had ALL of those symptoms listed above, except the school phobia. I loved school, but the doctor assumed I had school phobia because I was always complaining about not feeling well.

I was a quiet child. I was the sort of child who learned to entertain myself, staying clear of the drama that my family thrived in at the time.  We didn't have a dad around.  My mom had an emotional breakdown just after I was born.  I was sent to live with relatives for the first 6 months of my life.  I didn't bond with my mom as a result.  

I was the youngest of 5 and I always felt like I was in everyone's way.  I kept to myself.  

I recall being told to shut up if I laughed too loud with my friends.  Granted, my siblings were teenagers (and teenagers can be assholes) and I was their annoying little sister... but still.  I was extremely sensitive and I took everything to heart. Deep down, I just wanted them to like me and care about me.  I lived in my own world.  There are very few photos of me smiling in photos before the age of 10.  

I was a very lost, very lonely and very sad child.  I wanted my dad and I didn't feel safe with my mom, not because she was horrible.  She was just not emotionally available, she was going through her own grief which I only learned much later in life.  I wanted someone to make me feel loved and safe.  I didn't want to feel like a burden or like I was not wanted.  I needed love and protection.  It took me a lifetime to learn to give that to myself.

Years later, I blamed the cancer for my grief, but could it be possible that it was the other way around? What if the grief and other factors (this is when the subject of which emotions affect different organs in the body comes into play) created the cancer? 

I believe that everything happens for a reason.  Having cancer puts life into perspective. I didn't turn to alcohol to numb my pain despite the fact that I experienced so much grief and disappointment.  Having cancer, going through chemotherapy and being on so many drugs as a kid made me want to look after my body later in life, not abuse it with alcohol and recreational drugs.  I like being conscious and awake, not numb to feeling things that hurt me emotionally.  I also learned to be resilient. I was born to be a survivor.

I learned to handle the disappointment of my dad leaving when I was three, and only seeing him once a year, always on his terms, for just a few hours.  This might explain how I "get over" relationships quickly... Or perhaps it's simply because I was born with my moon in Aquarius which means I can easily detach from emotion.  Is it who I am or the result of my upbringing?  I think it's both. I try not to be callous about it, but detachment is a healthy way to keep emotions in check, and I try to get on with life when things come to an end.  With every ending, there's a new beginning... and I love new beginnings. 

Most of the disappointments I've had in love relationships was caused as a result of the lack of a relationship I had with my father.  Sometimes I was the toxic partner, sometimes I chose emotionally unavailable men, and sometimes we were both toxic.   I never knew how to accept or feel safe with men, no matter how much they claimed to love me.  For most of my life, I found it hard to believe, because I didn't learn to love myself for a long long time.  Even as I write this today, I'm still learning to love myself.  I'll spend my whole life learning.

I learned that no matter how much you love someone, you can't change them, they must have to desire and awareness to want to change themselves. If they aren't self-aware and won't change toxic behaviours, it doesn't mean they don't love you. You can love someone but recognize they are not healthy to be around. Sometimes you need to walk away from people you care about so that you can focus on loving yourself or give them space to learn to love themselves.  Love is not easy, but the older I get, the more I realize how much we need it.  Life is sweeter when you love and are loved in return.

I have a very different relationship with my family today. Hindsight is 20/20.  We were all surviving our own reality of  an upbringing with a single mom.  We raised ourselves and we all have very different perspectives on the environment we grew up in.  Luckily for us, our mom had a strong value system, she gave us adult responsibilities from a young age and that taught us some pretty valuable survival skills.  She was not perfect, but no parent is.  It's up to you to learn the lessons you need from your upbringing in order to function as an adult in the world.  All five of us turned out alright, we learned a lot from our childhood, and looking back, we were pretty darned blessed and I'm so lucky I had them to learn from.

 

Today I am less of a cloud and more like a tree.

I am stable with my roots grounding me to the earth.
I provide stability for others to rest their weary wings.
I stand tall and proud for everything I've accomplished.
I bend with the wind rather than shift with it.
I grow stronger with age.
I have purpose, even if I don't bear fruit.
I absorb the negative and I emit the positive.

What a difference five years makes. I can't wait to see how wise I'll be in 10 years.

Haiku

The tree stands alone

Waving it's branches with pride

At nature's beauty 

In the Mood for Love

Falling in love with someone is one of the best feelings on earth.  Those heart flutters and butterflies in the stomach from an innocent touch, the sound of their voice or the mere sight of them. 

Every girl I know loves love.

As with everything, we are taught to become more practical, more pragmatic about our choices as we get older.  I thought I was in love many times, without flutters.  I dated men who seemed right for me at the time but it didn't last, there wasn't enough real "love" to hold it together.  You can't force love.  I've been accused of being incapable of love by (insecure) men who couldn't understand why I wasn't getting flutters.  I simply wasn't attracted to them and attraction is important.

In my younger days I experienced flutters more often but I wasn't ready to settle down, I still had the world to see.   I didn't realize how rare flutters actually were.  You take love for granted when you're young.  I certainly did, so naive.  I thought it was around every corner.

I've also had my heart broken numerous times, thinking it could be "love', it's going so well, it feels amazing... then it all stops.  You're left wondering what you did wrong.  I've heard every excuse... they got scared... they think I deserve better... they don't love me (they aren't attracted to me enough)...  they don't live in the same country (one of the disadvantages of being a world traveler)... or I just never hear from them again (those are the most cowardly).  In those days I didn't realize that they were not the right "one".

It was soul crushing stuff.  The confusion and the angst lasted for months, even years.   It took me nearly 10 years to get over a broken heart from a love I had when I was 23.  In hindsight, I can see that he wasn't the one for me but at the time, I adored him.  For the record, a person with a badly broken heart like that shouldn't try to mend it by trying to love someone else.  It doesn't work.  One broken heart is enough to cause many more.  It needed time to heal.

Discovery

I used to think that you were everything,
And without you I was nothing.
I would watch the rain roll down the window
As tears trickled down my cheeks.

Sometimes,
When I'd think of us together
The pain would creep in and engulf me again
My eyes would sting at the sight of your half-hearted smile,
And I would feel incomplete, empty.

But now I am stronger.
Your harsh words have calloused my heart
Making it unfeeling to the pain
That once would have torn me.

I have learned that without you,
I am still a person,
And that others care, even if you don't.

I see the sun and it makes me smile
I feel it's warmth and I know that
I can be happy...
Even without you.

It's enough to drive a girl to join the convent.  I seriously considered taking a vow of celibacy a year or two ago.  I can see how people just shut up inside themselves and become afraid to love.  But that's not me.  I'm fearless (in most things).  I've always believed in love.

I'm the first to admit that I've been a fool.  I was humiliated after being married for less than 5 months to a man I barely knew who walked out on me because I wouldn't change to suit him. It's good to know it was the apocalypse.  So naive and silly to think marrying a person would make them love you unconditionally and stick around.  But I don't regret it.  It was a day to remember.

I want to be reminded of my first love... all the BEST qualities of every love I've ever known.  

I want a man who is not afraid of love.

Love should be mutual and easy, no games. I want to be myself and not scare him off.  

My honesty is one of my greatest attributes but not everyone can handle the truth.  I've been rejected for being honest and saying how I feel.  I don't want to change that part of me. 

Four years ago when I was visiting my friend Manna in Bangkok, we both had a blessing done by a Monk.  Part of the blessing ceremony was  having a white string tied around the wrist.  The idea behind the blessing was that whatever you desired, your truest heart's desire would be blessed upon you when the string naturally falls off your wrist.   Of course, my greatest heart's desire was to find true love.

But you mustn't cut the string off.  It must remain on your wrist until it falls off.  Only then will the blessing come true.  Who knew it would take 4 years!

The string blessing in Thailand

The string fell off a week ago.  Love is coming.

If you want to be pragmatic and sceptical, you'd see it as a coincidence.  I've decided that I'm going to look at love like I did when I was young.  I never over-analyzed, I just felt it and enjoyed it for what it was.  I don't believe there's a place for practicality when it comes to falling in love.  The best way to approach it is with reckless abandon.

I've put a lot of energy into myself these past two years and my reservoir is spilling over.  I can allow myself to be distracted for a while.  

My heart is whole and healed and it's been nurtured and protected.  No one else has a piece of it.  In the past I've only had pieces of my heart to give because I gave it away so freely.  I just didn't realize it didn't work that way.   It was my period of Atonement.

Broken hearts gradually heal but great love and great achievement involve great risk.   It's time.  I'm willing to take that risk again. 

 P.S.  I believe the right one is out there, and he's reading this right now.  :)